A
female
age
30-35,
*lcraw
writes:hi, i'm 18 and live in the uk. I have been in a relationship with a man who is now 50 for two years. My question is regarding what to do because we're in a finite relationship due to our age differences yet i have really fallen for him and he has now told me he loves me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 then don't end it... go for it full bore.
A
female
reader, alcraw +, writes (7 June 2011):
alcraw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso where i am from 16 is legal.
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A
female
reader, alcraw +, writes (7 June 2011):
alcraw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou everyone. Just to clear a few things up! Yes we have met! We get on super in person. Yes he is divorced. When we first met it was a purely sexual thing but it has evolved into a 'proper' relationship. I talked about how if he were ten year younger and i were ten years old we could have given it a proper try but he said seem as thats not true he will eventually end it so he doesn't 'waste' my youth. I think it will be best to end it in a year or two as i expect will happen but i don't want it to and i know deep down he doesn't want it to!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 June 2011):
have you guys met in person? IF NOT, i think that has to be an important step SOON if you wish to see if this can work.
if you were 16 and he was 48 when you met online that is a bit disconcerting to me due to legalities of age... but at 18 you are an adult..
as others have said ALL relationships are finite...
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Well it depends what you want from life. Are you happy just being with him and dont want anything more than to simply be together? Yes it is a bit odd that a 48 year old man would have decided to date a 16 year old, personally that creeps me out and I would be seriously concerned about this man's mental health as that is not right.
But ignoring other people's opinions - does he make you happy? Do you want to be with him? If you are happy and in love then really there is no reason not to be with him.
However, the big question is what do you want from your future? Do you want children? Marriage? Growing old with someone? Because you cannot have children with this man, already at 50 chances are his fertility will not be great and by the time you are old enough time have kids, he simply wont be able to do this for you. And even if by some medical miracle he was fertile in 5-10 years time, he would not be able to be a father to the child because he would be too old to run around after them, play with them etc. He might not even live to see them graduate, get married, have kids...etc.
Marriage wise - my bet is that aged 50, he is divorced? Or even if he has never been married, chances are he is not going to want to get married at this stage in life! So you would have to give up any dreams of marriage and kids.
Then there is the issue of him getting older. Right now, aged 50, he probably still seems fit and healthy to you. And with any luck he will be for a long time. But realistically, you have to realise that after 60, your health does start to decline. So when he is 65 and retiring, you will only be 33, in the prime of your life. You will still want to be going out, having fun, going on holidays, being active....yet he will have his bus pass and will have retired, wanting to stay at home, doing the gardening and relaxing. With his health - what is something does happen? Say he does get ill, or his health declines in 10-20 years time, you will only be in your late 20's-late 30's and you will become a carer for an elderly man, your life will become absorbed in looking after him, doctors appointments, hospital appointments etc.
Overall it is up to you - it depends if you are a 'right now' kind of person, where you dont care about the future and only want to think about the present. Or are you a 'future' person, do you have lots of dreams and ambitions? Are you willing to compromise on your future for him?
If you do want marriage, kids etc and dont want to be caring for an elderly man when you are in your 30's, then the kind thing to do is end the relationship now. The longer you stay with him (if you have no intention of having a long term future with him) the more you will hurt him.
But if you are happy just to be with him and dont want marriage, kids etc then there is nothing stopping you from being together. Society might frown upon it and you will get a bit of grief from family and friends I expect, but aside from that there is no reason why you cant be with him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Think of it this way.
All relationships are finite, even if the people were born on the same birthday in the same year. If there's no breakup, then it's death do you part.
That being said, never ever let that stop you! If he's 50 and you're 18 and you two truly love each other, than don't let it stop you. In 30 years, he'll be 82 and you'll be 48. In today's time, that's a long and full relationship.
Bottom line - if he's treating you right and you love him, then grab hold of this love and run with it until the very end!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Well if he's been 50 for two years wouldn't he be 52?
Just kidding, I get ya.
I think what may have thrown you for a loop is he has said
he loves you too. Ooops, maybe you weren't expecting that.
I guess now you'll have to ask yourself if you want a committed relationship with a much older than yourself man.
I don't see a problem with age, love is not about age, it's about everything else. Are you ready?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Being loved and accepted by someone is a wonderful thing.
Hearing "I love you" from someone you care about is lovely.
Regardless, that does not make an appropriate relationship.
Im sorry, I find your age gap to be too large. You both need someone more "age appropriate".
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