A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i've been with my fella for 7 yrs and we are getting married this year. I've started having second thoughts though.. can you fall out of love with someone and become just friends???? Because that's how we are, we don't do anything couple like, he doesnt like to kiss, hold hands in public, and very rarly wants to have sex and when he does it's all about him. i've tried so many times to get us back on track but he says he cant be bothered i'm so confused and i dont have anyone to talk to please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Thank you so much steve!! i will try all the things you have said tomora night im taking him to his fav pub for a meal! ill let you know how it goes! thank you again!
sarahx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): datingshoes,, we have had a few hard yrs to be hornest, and money is always a stuggle and he works very long hours, when he is telling me about his day and i go to give him a hug he almost always pushes me away telling me to give him space, ive been trying to get our sex life back on track which he was all up for but now he just says he has lost his sex drive and he just doesnt seem interested in making a go at anything,, i dont have any family or friends to talk to, which is why ive come on to here, im not scared of being on my own, but i do love him i just dont think he loves me anymore but when i ask him he says he does, is it wrong of me to want a kiss and a hug every day????
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Based purely on your description of the situation - NO, NO and NO again. You have to be SURE before you walk down that aisle, it should be a beautiful, wonderful moment of no hesitation. You should feel completely connected to the person you are standing beside as you make those promises to love and commit to each other.
I think many people marry for the wrong reasons - because they have been together for so long it is the "next step", because they know their partner really really wants a ring,a wedding, or a baby...it is an exciting event to plan, they are getting older and might not find anyone better...I dunno, but it should be about so much more...
If you have already "tried many times" to make things better and your man "can't be bothered"...I don;t think counselling will make a difference, except maybe to help you both to take the necessary steps to seperate.
Ask yourself this...why are you still in this relationship? Are you there because you're afraid to be on your own again? Are you there because you will feel a sense of shame if it doesn't "work"? Are you contemplating this wedding so as to not loose face or disappoint family / friends?
I think you know you shouldn't be marrying this man...you just don;t know whether to keep trying with him or to leave...that's your real question I think!
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Hi, Please stop the presses! Even if you have sent out the invitations, and chosen the bridal dress. This relationship either has to be revitalized or ended. You have been together for seven year, he has either gotten into the habit of comfortable, or he has stopped caring. Either way, if you intend to marry someone, you need a little excitement, not boredom, this is not the stuff you need to start a marriage. So maybe, if the depth is there, in the relationship, and we would need more information to determine this, but you know, then you can restart the engine. Perhaps, a counseling session, or two ot three, could assist with this. The two of you should have a heart to heart talk, now, if he does not feel, that anything is wrong, and you are left feeling empty, then Houston we have a problem. Make a decision, that is best for you and go forward, marriage is a long term commitment, maybe the relationship has had its day, and it is time to move on, try to see, if it can be rekindled, if so, then good luck with your future. If not, don't do something, just to be doing something, you will be most unhappy. Good luck to you and yours. be true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I think it's a good idea to take a break and put the wedding on hold until you can solve this communication problem with him.
Things are obviously lopsided from your point of view, and unless he's willing to deal with your concerns, marriage will not solve the problems you seem to be having with your relationship.
Don't feel you have to go through the wedding even if the invitations have been sent out. It's better to get this resolved one way or the other before you are legally committed to this man.
I'm a bit concerned that you feel you have no one to confide in about this. I hope that there is someone, a girlfriend, a family member, your mother, your father, a sister or brother who can help you?
Don't get married unless you are 100% confident that you will have no regrets.
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A
male
reader, Devil Spawn  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 He already cant be bothered? Leave now... its better to do it before you are married than after, find a man who will work on a relationship with you and who is going to want to be affectionate
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Hi,
It looks like over the years you two have grown apart. This happens quite a lot with couples who get together in their teenage years as we change so much as individuals throughout these formative years.
The lack of affection is a sign that you are not connecting as a couple. Marriage is not going to bring you closer , in fact it will merely magnify your current problems.
I know what it is like to stay with a partner purely because you think you should. Eventually the sense of alienation within the relationship becomes overpowering and you just need to start afresh and move on.
Perhaps you should take a break to assess whether you really want to stay together.
good luck in whatever you decide.
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