A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a chinese girl in my seminar group at university.We are both attracted to each other.The only problem is that I think she wants a serious realtionship whereas I would like sex.I don't see a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because we differ in religion,way of life and our long-term goals in the future.What is worse is that I am a virgin.If I have sex with her and tell her I don't want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship,I just want a friendship,I risk hurting her feelings.If I tell her I want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship then I am not being honest with myself because that isn't what I want.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses.They are very insightful.
If for instance the girl in question does want just sex,is there a possibility she may be denying her true feeling of a relationship with me?As a lot of you have said,girls see sex and intimacy combined,guys don't and I certainly do not want her to think sex will persuade me into a relationship.Is it enough for me to care and be extremely fond of her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): In my opinion, it's very possible that all she does want is sex. Plenty of women out there are comfortable enough with themselves and their sexualities to make their own decisions about these things. If you want to know what's really up, quit asking questions on here unless you want completely biased answers that probably have no relevance to your real life situation. Go to the girl directly and tell her your intentions, and if she declines, then so be it. There will be plenty of other young women who would be with you- maybe even a relationship if the two of you have the same views and interests.Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): If it was an ideal life we would never have sex just for sex. But its not, guys do it all the time. On the other hand girls rarely do it. Most of the time when they do it just for sex its either after a few drinks, or they are hoping that it will become something bigger.
Most of the girls would never be in a situation where there is only sex involved. Girls need to be in a relationship, most of the time. So, by sleeping with almost any girl just for sex you ll be hurting them at some level all the time.
In old times we had only prostitutes who would sleep with you just giving you sex and charge money for it. I believe that it should stay like that.But times changed. We have more freedom sexually. But what didnt changed is that every girl doesnt want to be used just for sex.
When we choose our partner we dont think with our genitals, like guys do.
Its very unussual for a guy even to question this moment, which gives you a lot of credit. You actually think of a womans feelings. Doesnt happen very often.
I wouldnt hope that she would say"sure, lets just do it for sex' You can try asking, but if you dont want to hurt her just step away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Don't lie to her whatever you do. That will hurt her far more than rejection. If she wants a relationship and you don't, there's nothing you should do but tell her you're not interested.
I say this from experience on the other end of things. I dated a guy who just wanted sex and was sleeping with other girls on the side who convinced me that he cared about me. It hurt more than anything I have ever experienced to realize the truth. Just let her go.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (18 January 2011):
Firstly can I say how nice it is that you are thinking about her feelings in that you don't want to hurt her. More often than not, especially when someone just purely wants sex, they tend not to think of the other persons feelings and just aim to get what they want then walk away.
Having read your post, it sounds like you haven't talked about where you would like this friendship to go. I feel that she will think better of you if you tell her that, yes you like her, but you are not looking for a relationship right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Hey pal!
Its good you question things here. Yes, your relationship goals differ and also your needs so its best to stay away from her completely so that you dont feel tempted to fulfill your own desires and risk feelings and also bad judgments. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sttudyo  +, writes (18 January 2011):
So some months ago I was exactly in your same position. I liked this girl a lot, but in reality I was just interested in dating and having a sexual experience. Our backgrounds and personalities seemed different and I couldn't see a future for a relationship. We just liked each other.
For the short time that we dated, I began to care about her. Not love her nor anything... just cared enough not to hurt her. I decided to tell her about my point of view. She decided we shouldn't date anymore. I guess she appreciated the honesty and straightforwardness since we still are friends.
Just sharing my experience.
Best of luck!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 At least you're honest about what you want! Simple thing...dont have sex with her because she clearly wants a relationship and it would be very wrong to mess around with anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): If you are not in love do not have sex. Simple.
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