A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay. so i'm completely inlove with my boyfriend. we've been going out for six months. right now he's in the airforce; basic training, and he's been gone for 3 solid weeks, and 3 1/2 to go, at that. i havent talked to him or seen him. i miss him dearly.but back to my problem.i went to a party this past weekend saying i wasnt going to drink, because my boyfriend DREADS me going to parties.but somehow, one of my close girlfriends got me to take a shot or two of vodka.then more came. And more and more and more.my good guy friend, who i was rambling on to about my boyfriend, kept telling me he loved me and i told him that he didnt. next think i know he's kissing me.i'm not going to lie. i kissed him back. i was drunk, i didnt care that much.except i DID stop after a few seconds and say that i feel horrible about my boyfriend being gone and i just did that!past that i don't remember a thing! except leaving and going home crying.then the next morning, i woke up with a HUGE hickey on my neck. wonderful. i had to hide it from my parents, so i flung to this site(haha).mom noticed it anyway. so i told her everything, i got bitched at of course, but she comforted me in the end.so i get on myspace and one of my other guy friends asked me what was going on between me and the boy that kissed me. i said "what are you talking about"he told me that the boy had told him that he fingered me.i had no idea. i was already crying about a kiss and a hickey.that just topped it off.later that day i told my best friend about it and she told her brother. he said that the boy that kissed me drugs girls and has sex with them w/o the girl even knowing.i was SOOOOOOO scared. kisses and hickeys are one thing, sex is a total different thing to me.the thing is, i don't remember ANY of it! i know i'm going to tell my boyfriend, because trust counts for everything. but what am i supposed to tell him what i don't know?should i ASSUME i had sex with that boy? or should i just tell him about the kiss and the hickey. cause that's all i remember.i'm not sure if my bestfriends brother was telling the truth though. becuase he tricks people A LOT, plus he was laughing. but lying or not. that thought scared the CRAP out of me.so the question is- how do i tell my boyfriend what i did? you think it would make it easier to forgive me if i couldn't remember a thing?PLEASEE respond.. thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (28 February 2007):
well it seems youve learnt the danger of booze early, and i hope you have learnt.
no you dont always know that someone has had sex with you, its called drug rape. be safe, see a doctor.
its sad to see that your having sex and drinking at such a young age, your only young once.growing up so fast doesnt do anything for you. but if this lesson has taught you anything it should be control. you told yourself you wouldnt drink, so stick to it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): don't know how to do a followup.
no i am not a virgin....i lost it to my boyfriend.
i ALSO think i would know if i had sex, so i didnt think that my bestfriends brother told the truth.
i know i've done HORRIBLE & i've realized that i AM too immature to drink.
i hate that i've done this, but yes, a good lesson learned..
i've never done anything like this in my life.
yes i've drank before & yes i've regreted it. but i've never cheated.
i make good grades, i'm graduating early, im usually a GOOD KID.
just stupid & immature a lot of the times.
i know that my problem is that i don't think before doing things.
thanks for the advice though! its really relieving to believe i didnt do anything but make out with the boy.
me & my boyfriend have talked about cheating on eachother before, & i believe that he won't break up with me, just need some time.
THANKS SOO MUCH
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I think you`ve learned a valuable lesson here. Apart from the fact that you give your age as 13-15, which given what you`ve said in your message is concerning enough, only you can decide what to do, we can only advise. You said you went to a party, promising not to drink because your boyfriend "Dreads" you going to parties. I can only presume this is not the first time you have drunk alcohol and regreted it, for one reason or another. With all this going on, I`m concerned your schoolwork may be suffering; but let`s try to get this hurdle out the way first. I think it`s highly unlikely that you had sex with this guy, and I hope this is true for your sake, as I don`t have to tell you the dangers of casual sex, which I`m sure you know anyway. It`s up to you what, if anything you tell your boyfriend; but bad news travels fast, and it would be better if he heard first from you, rather than others. I suggest you tell him you`ve made a mistake, perhaps because you were missing him SO; and tell him you`ve learnt a tough lesson, and will never do it again, and MEAN IT. I don`t mean to be harsh, but I think this is a "Warning Sign". Please act on it. Kind Regards, Heather.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Wow, what a pickle you are in. I would think if you had sex you would remember it, are you a virgin?
You might want to go to a doctor for an examination, but it may be that too much time has passed. If the boy raped you he should be reported, but it sounds to me it is more likely you got very drunk, made out, and then went home.
I don't know that you are required to tell your boyfriend everything you did at that party as he may break up with you over it....and this would be fair play in my book...you have not shown enough maturity or responsibility to go to a party and drink at your young age. You say your girlfriend talked you into doing shots, did she prop your mouth open too and pour them down your throat? NOooooo!
Take responsibility for your actions by resolving not to get yourself into that situation ever again. We all make mistakes and we have all probably done something stupid after too much to drink, so stop drinking.
Drinking at your young age is very unhealthy for your body and it makes you look and feel like crap....not to mention do things you aren't even prepared to do, it takes your ability to make good decisions and laughs at it!
Where were your parents? Why did they allow you to go to an usupervised party with boys and alchohol, you are a child?
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