A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I went to my in-laws house for Thanksgiving. My husband has two sisters. One 18 and the other 16 they were both adopted. Long story short my husband smacked his little sisters behind. Later on in the day my husband touched a over her chest to do pretent CPR. He then later told his sister she had something on her but. Is it me or is this all highly gross and inappropriate? He said it’s something they’ve always done. It’s just not normal to me. I am not sure if he did things to them when they were younger but I have the feeling he did. Grounds for divorce??? Or I am over reacting. My father in law also gave weird vibes he kept kissing one of the girls on the head. My father in law showed no affection to his wife.
View related questions:
divorce, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2022): You might suggest to your husband that you were very uncomfortable with the way he "touched" his adopted-sisters. You might even tell him you feel it was quite inappropriate. Allow an awkward silence. Walk-away, and leave it at that. Offer him a reminder from time to time.
The father-in-law's kisses? You might be uncomfortable about that too; but the two young ladies are old enough now to tell somebody, if there is anything inappropriate going-on. You'd be better off expressing how you feel about your husband's behavior. They are not boys, they are young ladies; and touching their chests and butts goes a little beyond just being playful. It's being a perv! You can quote me!
Grounds for divorce?!! Do you have other issues in your marriage you didn't bother to mention in your post? Being creeped-out isn't necessarily grounds for divorce. I think you might need a substantial amount of irreconcilable issues before you consider such drastic measures. Unless your husband has a habit of "hitting on" teenage-girls; and you've addressed it time and time again, and it doesn't stop.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (30 November 2022):
 I think the crux of the "problem" is in this sentence: "It’s just not normal to me." Just because it is not the way YOUR family are with each other does not automatically make it wrong. Every family has different dynamics. I have to admit, it is not the way MY family are with each other either, but I would not condemn someone for having a closer physical relationship than we do.
You don't say how the sisters reacted to what you saw as "inappropriate" behaviour on your husband's part. Did they appear upset? Did they seem at all uncomfortable? Or were they laughing along with it and acting "normal"?
It's a huge leap from slapping someone's behind in front of other people to assuming there was some sort of sexual abuse going on. By "things", I assume that is what you mean? Frankly, if sexual abuse HAD been going on, I think your husband would be far more likely NOT to touch his sisters. He would make a big thing of keeping away from them when others were around. The fact that he was comfortable messing about like he did would seem to indicate - to me, at least - that it was all innocent. I would suspect they had messed about in a similar way as kids and never quite grown out of it. Sone siblings find it hard to act "more appropriately" as they mature. Unless you have other reasons to suspect sexual abuse (it's a very serious accusation), then I would say you are way off course.
As for your father-in-law kissing his daughter on her head, what is wrong with that? One of my friends has a son who, up until his late teens, loved to have her cuddle him and kiss his head, even in public. Unusual? Yes. Inappropriate? Absolutely not. He has grown up to be a lovely caring sensitive adult. He's a student but works part-time as a carer and his clients adore him.
If you feel uncomfortable with the way your husband was with his sisters, perhaps mention it to him and just say something like "it was probably ok when you were all younger, but it makes me feel uncomfortable" and see what he says.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 November 2022):
 "Grounds for divorce??? "
It sounds weird and inappropriate but also like something KIDS would do to each other.
My brother and I have chased each other around doing towel snaps IN OUR 20's! (gasp!) while doing the dishes after Christmas dinner. Kinda weird for many families, but not so much for ours.
We had "bite fights" when we were younger - kids. But for some people that sounds just feral! and Wrong! but looking back it just makes me laugh and shake my head.
Now would I mention to my husband that his SISTERS (being adopted is irrelevant) are now at an age where he DOES need to consider WHERE he touches them because you find it rather icky. And so would many other people.
The head kissing, well you don't know if she has had some recent heartache or break up and that is why dad is giving her the head kisses. I don't think that is at all inappropriate.
You also have no idea what kind of marriage and relationship he has with his wife. Maybe she isn't affectionate either or they are just that way.
You sound rather judgemental and yeah, over reacting a lot.
If you want to divorce your hubby, then do so, but these excuses you mention are just that... excuses.
...............................
|
