A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am in a tricky situation..I am seeing my boyfriend for about a year now and we decided to commit to each other and exchanged rings,I have never met a man who makes me feel as beautiful and special like he does!we hit a rough patch and everytime he worked towards mending it but that's not even the main issue,the prime problem here is that my parents are very traditional and conservation and would like me to marry someone from the same community and is refusing to accept my boyfriend while his family might have issues because his dad a famous business of the town and dines with important people and my aunt married a gangster who is not alive anymore as he was shot dead!now my boyfriend coming from an influential and powerful family might not accept me and my family for someone else's wrong doings!my boyfriend has decided to sit them down and talk to them about it as they are not aware of the situation yet and my bf thinks they might react negatively!i have met the parents and they do really like me and include me in eveything but after they find out about this not so much!we wish to get married but we do not want to hurt both sets of parents!what do we do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe don't have any issues with each other!just that our parents won't be supportive of it and my parents especially my mom is not keen at all is not even ready to meet him only because he is not from our community!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 April 2016):
 The first thing I did when I read your post is look at your age range. We'll get to your "rough patch" in a minute, because I don't want to gloss it over, and it might factor into my advice.
But let's deal with the families. You're of age for choosing. If your partner is the same age as you are, then both of you own your lives now. You're not some blushing 18-year old who's ready to impulsively throw your dreams into a landfill because OMG YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU HAVE TO HAVE HIM NOWWWW! heh. I guarantee that your families are having the same kind of conversations with each other, and they're seeing how happy you are, and even though they had their ideas, they're already starting to imagine a future with the two of you together. You're already doing the right thing by talking to them.
Keep making it as gradual and gently as possible, and the chances of both families coming around are very high. The key word is GRADUAL. You've been together for a year. Don't all of a sudden rush to the altar at breakneck speed. And that brings me to the second issue:
The rough patch. You've been together for only a year, and you didn't elaborate what the rough patch is. If it involves cheating, then you may want to REALLY put the brakes on. If it's in the lying category, same thing. A year is a great time to know whether or not you're serious, but if this rough patch uncovered a potential red flag, the key is to not rush. I wish you had told us what that rough patch was. If it was just a personality clash, as in he likes to give gifts or he is hesitant to say "I love you" or you had an argument over spending habits or a political candidate, then the time will be perfect in getting to know people better. But if it's an egregious trust issue, then TAKE YOUR TIME.
So, go forward with plans, but go slow. Both of your families will love seeing the two of you happy, and will grow to accept a new reality with your spouses as family members. I won over my husband's parents, and it took awhile! People can adapt!
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