A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Some background information: I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been together for almost 4 years and we love each other very much. I'm the only child and my parents, grandparents, and my aunt are TOO overprotective and still look at me as a child. They don't like me to go out late at night, stay out all night and they don't want me hanging around my friends who don't make the best decisions. I can't I've never let anyone influence my decisions and I haven't made any bad choices. I don't smoke or drink and I haven't been in any trouble. My grandparents and parents had their first when they were 20. Ok, so to my problem. I miscarried an unplanned baby 2 years ago and my boyfriend and I really grew to the thought of having a baby. I was only 17 going on 18 so I was beyond scared and stressed thinking about how I would take care of a child and how to tell my parents. My mother has been forcing me to get birth control for the past year. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been planning on changing a few things in her relationship within the next few months. We are planning to live together again. We lived together before, but our schools are far away so I moved. We've been talking about having a baby and I honestly think we're ready emotionally and financially. We still have a little ways to go financially, but we've been saving since last year and we're getting good at it.I'll also add that my boyfriend and I have a lot of support from his family and many of my friends who already have children. I'm not doing this for anyone but my boyfriend and I though.If anyone wants to say anything about marriage: We have no problems with going to get married today. We talk about it all the time, but we want to wait until we can have a nice ceremony. Nothing too big, but it would be costly and we're trying to save money instead of spend it.I guess I just want advice about whether I should go ahead and do what I want to do to make me and my boyfriend happy?? Or if I should wait until I'm in my 30s like my family wants me to??
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 October 2011):
 I suggest you save up for your wedding BEFORE you save up for a baby. Why put the cart before the horse?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Do what you want to do primarily. But use your common senses. That's all I, a random stranger online, would ask of you. You don't have to justify having a child with your boyfriend if everything is settled and ready for it, it's entirely you and your boyfriends decision. I just wonder if your family might be giving you some good hints though, instead of being unsupportive. Maybe you don't have enough money saved up, maybe you aren't used to paying your bills, maybe you don't have good jobs, maybe this, maybe that. Maybe they are just worried it'll be too much for you to do, juggling studies/work/moving out/wedding plans/and a baby on top.
For your own sake, although Im not sure how you've planned things already: move out first and in with your boyfriend and then see how it goes. Settle in together first, live together, enjoy each other, save up more money etc. But realize that if you have a child now you are giving up on option like getting married (you might not afford the nice wedding you wanted and it gets postponed) you wont be able to travel around and see the world until 18 years from now, and giving up on other things. You make the decision that feels right for you and your boyfriend though, of course. It's just a matter of life style and what you prefer really, if you're at the stage where you can afford it and have other practicalities in order, and are old enough physically and mentally (which at 20 I think you are).
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