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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 7 years recently decided he needed a hiatus from the relationship to "find himself." He says that he needs to experience living on his own and being without a girlfriend for a while because we've basically been together since we've been dating. I was fine with this and even tried to help him out by talking to a business acquaintance so he could land a better job (he did).Everything was going fine until two weeks ago....I found out he was dating someone! We got into a huge argument, and he keeps telling me that it's not serious, he's just dating her to figure out whether the way he feels about me is special and he wants to marry me or it's just the way he'd feel with any girl.I got really upset and told him to forget about me, but he knows I still love him, so he calls every day to promise me that nothing's happening with this girl, and he even bought me a really expensive piece of jewelry for Christmas! I do love, him, and I'm really upset and confused by this whole thing cause I don't know if I should stick it out w/ him or just give up. HELP!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Thanx for your answers. I think you guys may be right about showing him the door til he figures things out.
I probably wasn't too clear in the original description of things, but the reason we've been dating for 7 years and aren't married is that we met right before we turned 15, dated through high school and are both still in uni. But we have talked about getting married quite a lot. I think it's part of what prompted him to do the whole finding himself thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Listen to what Eddie is telling you!
This man is basically messing with your mind and having the best of both worlds by dating someone else and telling you its not serious, that he's only seeing her to try to figure out if he wants to marry you.
I know you are hurt over this, but if he wants a "hiatus" (or perhaps is leading up to a permanent break) there is nothing you can do to stop him.
What you CAN do is to "show him the door" and tell him you don't want to hear from him again until he decides what he wants to do. Then, don't pick up the phone when he calls you, as long as he is dating this other woman.
Granted, this could have the result that you never hear from him again - but it sounds as if that might happen any way. Which leads me to ask: do you want to wait around for him to break off with you, or would you rather preempt him and finish it first?
Sounds as though you are inclined to "strike" first. The fact that he gave you an expensive piece of jewelry does not mean you are obligated to stay with him. You could just return it after a while if there is no more communication - mail it to him.
In any event, please don't let your hurt and confusion allow you to put up with this kind of nonsense from him!
Looking over what I have written, I guess what I'm telling you is not to prolong the agony for yourself, but to give him up now. If he later (such as a few months or so later) decides he doesn't want to date others after all but wants to get back together with you and get married, then you can seriously reconsider. Meantime, get on with your life!
Only thing is, if you've been dating for seven years and are not yet married, would you really want to reconnect only to have more of the same-old, same-old? i.e., another seven years of just dating??
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 December 2006):
 Tell him look, make up your mind. Tell him you're not sitting around while he sows his wild oats, unless you want to. As long as you are needy, he has the best of both worlds.
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