A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:When my b/f of 5 years first got with me we'd both been married before so we were in no hurry to go there. We moved in together and things have been pretty good. Maybe a year ago we started talking about the possibility of marriage but didn't make any specific plans. Lately he's been talking about it more and now I am not sure how I feel. I love him but it seems like we're on different planes. Lately my b/f hardly ever wants to go out and do anything, like the first 4 years we'd go out listen to bands, and go dancing and we'd party with other couples and travel more together. This was one of the things that made me love him; was his energy, he always seemed youthful and kept me feeling young. Now all he wants to do is sit on the couch and watch football. His sex drive has also taken a plunge because of medication he takes for his blood pressure, so we have sex maybe once a week, which is not enough for me but I try not to pressure him. I know that I love him and I can't imagine being without him, but my last marriage failed because we grew apart and my husband became a social recluse. I love socializing and mixing it up with different people which is one of the things that drew me to my current b/f because we both enjoyed that. But now I feel like my b/f is turning into a grumpy old man, and I'm too young to sit on the couch all the time and watch my life go by. Everytime he brings up marriage I get really scared. I don't know if this is a phase he's going through or if he's just changed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time at home, but at some point it starts to feel a little stale and routine. We always said we'd like to marry on the anniversary date that we met which is fast approaching in 2 months but I am terrily torn right now about the direction we are heading. Should I just love him for-better-or-worse? I don't want to be in my late 40's looking for love.
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female
reader, unknown_unknowns  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Your boyfriend sounds depressed. High blood pressure is exacerbated by inactivity-- dancing, golf, walking, light activity would really help both the "down" attitude and the HBP. He may need a better pharmacologist so his dosages are more appropriate. Talk to him, massage his ego. Be gentle and tell him you want to be with him, but lately you feel scared because of this recent change. Maybe you should make it seem like his idea-- that since he feels down, this might not be the right time. If you formerly traveled and can afford it, take the initiative and plan a trip. If he won't get interested in anything other than football, and you're only getting laid once a week-- you are not laying the foundations for a happy union. Hang in there.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 January 2010):
Well you can't stay with a guy because you are scared of being alone. I really don't think being single is that terrible. But that's just me.
To be honest I think you just need to kick him up the bum.
Tell him how you are feeling, that you fell for his energy and love going out. Ask him why he thinks he's changed. If it's a permanent thing or he's just depressed.
He may just not realise what he's become like.
Good Luck!! xx
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