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We played truth or dare, what did my wife get up to?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 November 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, *ohnK writes:

Hi. A bunch of us (about 12-14 people) were playing Truth or Dare a week ago at our house. My wife and I are happily married for a few years, and this is not the first time we have had 'semi-wild' parties (read, not swinger parties, just 'fun' parties).

Anyway, only some of us were couples, the rest singles. Somehow, people picked up on the fact that my wife 'liked' this one guy (this wasn't the only set-up, another 2 people kept getting dared also a lot). After a while of playing and drinking by all, someone (female) dared my wife to take Tom and 'play' for 10 minutes. In our 'wild' version of T/D this means no sex, but kiss and touch as much as both people involved want. Nothing forced. Like an idiot, I said 'let's add coin flip strip', this means if it's a Heads, then the Guy has to remove 1 article of clothes when they get to the room, if Tails, then the Girl removes 1 article of clothes. This happens in the room before they do the 10 minutes of 'Play'. Well, Tom was only wearing underwear, and when my wife tossed the coin it was Heads.

This means my wife spent 10 minutes in our bedroom (that's the private room we used for all 'play' dares) with Tom who would have removed his underwear and been completely naked. We were all a little drunk that night so we didn't speak about it that night. Now, when I try to question her about what happened with Tom that night, she won't answer. She is very evasive and says they just 'Played', you know kissed and touched a little, but she is very strange and guilty acting when she answers.

Do I push this issue real hard to get an answer about what she/they did? Or just consider that fact that we were all drinking and willing players in the game? I mean what if she touched his penis, or even worse kissed his penis or something. I don't know how I'd feel if I knew my wife gave Tom a blowjob or handjob.


View related questions: blow-job, drunk, hand-job, player, underwear

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (1 December 2007):

Sandman agony auntGlad to hear you're both moving on with your lives. Now you know what can come of these types of game play and how dangerous it could be. No more worrying about what might have been. She gave you her version and let it be. Great, and glad to hear about your situation having a happy ending.


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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (30 November 2007):

SamuraiRick agony auntI'm actually relieved for you that it might have been just a hand job....If its true. (But still, he came, so it must have been a good hand job!) If that's her story let her stick with it and live happily ever after. Case closed. In the future avoid those kind of parties.

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A male reader, JohnK United States +, writes (30 November 2007):

JohnK is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to everyone. We talked about this, I especially mentioned that part that me wondering and assuming the most would be worse than talking the truth. Well she did play with him, and while she was kissing his chest and stroking his penis, he tried to push her head down to give him a blowjob. As much as she admitted being turned on by his body she knew that would be very wrong. She ending up finishing him off with a handjob. She feels very guilty, but as someone here said, we both played this 'dangerous' game willingly, and I knew she was turned on by this guy. Well, no more Truth or Dare for us. This is the first time it went this far, but now we're both a little embarrassed that probably everyone that was there is assuming that they did something in our bedroom (well they did, but they probably assume even more than what happened).

Thanks for all the advice, us talking it out and Both deciding it was a no-fault situation and never to put ourselves in this scene again has helped. We're both closing out this chapter in our lives and just forgetting about it.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (18 November 2007):

rcn agony auntI'd say, definitely something she doesn't want to tell you. The way she answered says it all.

The two of you need to sit down and discuss this. Even if it's not what you want to hear, knowing is better than her acting guilty and you carrying the "I wonder" around with you, causing more issues.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

My motto has always been "put the shoe on the other foot"...would you have cheated for 10 minutes? And would you feel guilty? Would you tell your wife what happened in that bedroom? If you did not want it to happen, why did you egg it on by adding "lets add coin flip strip". You full well knew that that man only had underwear on. And why would you give the opportunity to another man to see your wife naked. Sounds to me like you wanted to join them. You both must want to cheat or you would not be participating in the "swinger" game. Yes, this definately falls under the definition of "swinger". Let it go, or it will destroy you. I think you need to have a heart to heart talk about your relationship and where it is going. You have only been married for a few years...your marriage should not be already crumbling...

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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (18 November 2007):

SamuraiRick agony auntOkay there’s a big elephant in the room and I thinks it time somebody pointed it out. Yeah, your wife screwed with this guy. Hell yeah he had his underwear off. And the fact that your wife is being evasive about what clearly happened should point it out all the more. Ask anybody else in that party? They would all have told you. Your wife cheated on you for ten minutes right under your nose. Your wife’s friend who set it up probably knows what happened in the bedroom; women do talk to each other. Why don’t you pry her for an answer?

But the reality is that it happened, and you are denying yourself the truth. You just don’t want to believe it. Remember your wife did have a crush on this guy before this whole thing started, so how can she not deny her temptation which was so finely set before her on a platter? Drinks were flowing, the stage was set with spotlights and cameras rolling…. and you just stood there and let it all happen.

If you had anything to say about it the time you should have done it was then and there, not after the fact.

Deep down, you probably were turned on by it, or why didn’t you take a stand and keep your wife from entering the viper’s pit? You were there cheering it on weren’t you?

So it happened. Your wife played with this guy's dick and probably gave him a happy blowjob. Ten minutes anything can happen.

Live with it and move on and stop trying to coax your wife into confessing what she was either very guilty about doing or too shameful to admit she enjoyed. And also know this: if you allowed it to go for ten minutes, who’s to say they won’t pick it up where they left off in private away from your eyes? You gave tacit approval of what they did, and by giving them permission then, you’re also saying its ok if they do it in any future scenario.

(Michelle69 said it like it is)

Pandora’s Box can be a bitch!

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A female reader, Michael69 South Africa +, writes (8 November 2007):

My Husband and I played a game of truth or dare with friends. I landed in the spare room with this man for 10 minutes, minus my panties kissing and feeling each other. We were both drunk and we landed have sex over the bed, this took 5 minutes before we both came. This is a very dangerous game. The result is I have been sleeping with this man for 3 years and my Hubby does not no.


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

You asked for it, you got it... Maybe in the future it would be wise to avoid these situations.. they don't sound very good for a stable marriage!

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (6 November 2007):

Sandman agony auntI agree with Eddie (by the way Eddie, 5 stars!). It was a game. Like he said, any number of things could have happened behind those closed doors. But if you don't know how you would feel if you knew wife gave him oral sex or a handjob, then stop asking questions! The answer to this question could very well bring major harm to your marriage. If you don't like the feeling of not knowing what your did or does with another man, don't allow yourselves to be placed in a situation where she (or you) will be in the presence of another man (or woman) - naked.

The second sentence in your last paragraph is what you should live by. You were both drinking and willing participants and played a very dangerous game. Put quite simply, if you don't like the game being played, don't play.

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (5 November 2007):

eddie agony auntWell..........the game ain't so fun now. You're playing the what if game now and you can't win. It's the risk you take and the truth hurts. It's quite possible they did any number of things and it's also possible she enjoyed it. It's also possible not much happened but under the circumstances, that is doubtful. I wouldn't want to play this game for the very reason you're concerned. The fact she doesn't want to talk about it is her business. It takes a certain type of person to play this type of game and most of us can't do it. Don't push too hard, she only played the game you were both participating in.

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