A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few days ago, my boyfriend suggested that we take a break. He said that at the moment, school and work are taking a toll on him and our relationship is stressing him because he doesn't feel he has the time he needs to put into it. He said he just needs some time to figure out what he wants to do with his life. Up until he suggested the break, everything seemed fine. And now that he has, he keeps calling to see if I'm ok. Do couples usually get back together after breaks? Should I not talk to him at all unless he talks to me first? I still care about him deeply and I'm at a loss.
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female
reader, Rainbows  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 i think u should give it time as he is unsure too.Don't make hasty decisions, wait till he completes school and his mind can focus on u completely. don't rush things, don't chase him...that will make him run away even more...but talk to him very nicely when he calls u but dont tell him u cant live with out him or anything of tht sort....u also give him the same medicine....that u r working things out and u also need a break for sure...meanwhile, watch how all this takes its toll on both of u...if u both still want each other, im sure none would b able to stay without eachother for long...Good Luck! (make sure to show him tht u r very normal about it).....!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I believe that you should always know where you stand with someone you love. If the person wants a relationship with you, then it should be very clear what kind of a relationship that person wants. And, if s/he doesn't want a relationship, then that should be clear, too. But he is giving you neither, dear. The "break" he asked for means that you might get back together, or then you might not. This isn't the treatment anyone deserves. You should not be feeling insecure about anything. There should not be any double readings of any actions. This is known to be the result of a never too appreciated virtue, honesty.
I'm sorry for you, but I'm afraid you and your ex aren't getting back together. I believe he doesn't love you anymore, but he just isn't man enough to tell you. He's giving you excuses because he doesn't want you to make any claims to him. His asking for a break is a way to protect himself, not to protect you. It is meant to soften the blow, so HE won't have to deal with any consequences from it.
If he really cared about you, he would stay with you, or then he would break up and let you find someone else.
His calls are a way of "monitoring" whether there's something that should make him run away, or whether he can be safe where he is now.
If he should call again, ask him to tell you, right in that moment, whether you'll get back together or not. If he says he will, then tell him that the break is over and he needs to come your way. If he won't do that, then tell him he is dumped. And ask him never to call you again.
You deserve to know where you stand. If it's over, then you should know it. And you should be free to get over him and find someone who'll be man enough not to give poor excuses.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): hey hun well i know how you feel this happand to me two weeks ago and il tell you it hurts alot.....Its a good sign that he is ringen u to c if you are ok,,,,,Just give it time and space and let it take its course.....if he is focusing on what he wants so should you.....Maybe a break is good for you both...This is what i tell myself and i belive that in time it gets easier...What dosent kill you makes you stronger trust me....Take care
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