A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'd like some advice on how to go from here. I have been going out with my bf for 5 months. He is 31 and I am 30. I am his first girlfriend. Basically for the last 30 years, he has been living in a coocoon because of his shyness. A year before i met him, he made an extreme makeover, lost weight, made friends went out more. So he basically started living. Yesterday, he admitted to me that we went too fast into our relationship. After 3 dates (approx. a week)the connection was so strong we became official. I moved in with him 2 months later. I now realize it was too fast.... but we can't go back ... I don't want to lose him by scaring him away. So what can i do to appease his fears?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): I read an article once about how once we get used to each other we act differently. For example a girl is busy in her life being social or whatever and then after a few months she's never busy and spends all her time with her bf. the problem is that the bf fell for her when she was busy aka independent and had her own life. So the bf is less interested because now she's not that girl anymore and too easily available. So he ends up dumping her. Is this maybe what happened? Idk, but maybe you could remember how you were when u met him and start being that girl again. Maybe he just has doubts cuz it's different now. Also I recommend you read a book called the 5 love languages cuz his love tank obviously isn't being filled anymore and that book will teach you how to fill it. :)
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Yes I would agree that you probably did move in too soon. Especially if he didn't have any previous experience.
There are really only two solutions here:
1) If things are going well, reiterate with him how well things are going, and encourage him to take a deep breath. Tell him that you know the two of you can and will work out any differences. While you hate to put your relationship through a lot of turmoil and drama so early on, you know that the two of you are strong.
2) If things aren't going well, why not have him move out. It isn't necessarily a step backwards, but it may help your relationship grow naturally at a pace that feels comfortable for him. Continue to date and see one another (perhaps spend entire weekends together) but don't throw away what you do have.
You may also want to ask him what his fears and concerns are. Perhaps with him verbalizing them, he'll realize how absurd they are. It will also give you the opportunity to clear the air by expressing your desire to keep the relationship going and how much you want him in your life.
Finally, give him the space and the room to back out of the deal. You don't want to force him into anything as that will ultimately lead to resentment and anger. The tighter you try to hold him, the more likely he is to squirm out of your grip.
Sounds like you are due for a conversation.
Eddie
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