A
male
age
26-29,
*ackalus
writes:Hey guys i need some help with my relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 1 month now and I want to someday have a sexual relationship with her. Can you please ignore my age for this but if you have to know I'm 15 and almost 16, my question though is that I want to know how to ask her about having a sexual relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 If I was to ignore your age (although it is silly as every age is considered, and I'd have to imagine you as another age, lets say 20), I'd tell you to let this develop naturally. Adult relationships include sex, unless you have both talked about staying a virgin until marriage. Things should come naturally, and most likely will as well.Now, considering your age: you are not in an adult relationship. You are teenagers. Teenage relationship do not always include sex. So you will just have to talk to her about her feelings and thoughts around that, as well as share your own thoughts and feelings around it. Or you could let things go naturally and see if your relationship by itself leads you in that direction. Make sure to wait until you are both legal.
A
male
reader, Burningleon  +, writes (3 May 2011):
I was actually about your age and at the same point in my relationship when things got sexual. It was actually our one month anniversary. We had kissed and made out with each other before but we were both still pretty shy about it. We were watching a movie on the coach and I was rubbing her shoulder with my hand and she was holding onto that hand. I could've sworn she was pulling me down towards her breast. She has changed her story about whether she was or wasn't a few times over the years but I still think she was. Anyway, I asked her if it was okay and she said it was and I just kinda held her breast. We weren't hot and heavy but it just felt right.About 4 months later we had sex for the first time. Despite saying she was ready and taking all the necessary precautions she kinda freaked and it didn't go so well. Progress slowly and always make sure to ask that she's okay with the things you do. Take it one small step at a time and always think about what she is going to get out of it over what pleasure you may get. If you can do that you will definitely earn some respect. Once you've proven that you care about her happiness she will be more receptive to your needs as well and it will probably be alright to ask her to try things for you as well. Just remember to take it slow and when things get far enough talk to her about how you both want your first time to be. What would make it special. Anything to make sure you are both completely comfortable with what will happen and how it will happen. Believe me, you don't want to have any regret when it comes to a moment as special as that. And remember to always keep the option to stop available if one of you feels like things are going too fast.One last tid-bit of information. Don't try to do something every time you are together. Spend some days just having fun and enjoying being together. Just try not to let your passion get the better of you. You don't want her to have even the slightest thought that you just want her for her body. You have to show that you appreciate her mind as well sometimes.
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A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (3 May 2011):
It's quite simple, you just ask her. I was laying in bed with my boyfriend one night and said "one day, I think I might like to have sex with you, what do you think about that?". And he answered honestly in saying that he is not ready to have sex right now. We talked that maybe down the road we would both be ready, but for now, we are not.
It's as simple as just asking and talking about it.
I don't think sex should necessairly be left to "when the moment is right" when it involves virginity (I am going to assume you are virgins. If not, I think at a younger age, these things should be talked about any way).
Communication is very important, especially in situations like this. In my opinion, if you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): You don't ask, you just let things happen naturally and just go ahead and do things little by little. Look unless your girlfriend has specifically said she doesn't want anything more than kissing and cuddling. Then you can in fact just do what most of us did and slowly introduce more stuff. Like caressing her breasts while making out etc. and moving from there, little by little over time at a nice relaxed pace.
Girls for the most part don't mind a guy trying it on, as long as he's not pushy about it. If you start touching her breast and she pulls your hand away don't try it again. Just wait until another day then lead your hand there again, if she says no that time too, you wait a little bit longer next time. Don't try to force the issue, let her get comfortable with you first, if she sees that you are willing to respect her boundaries then she'll be more inclined to open up to you. Look guys your age are horn balls for the most part. If she's been with other guys and/or kissed guys at parties etc. Then she's probably well used to guys trying to drop the hand or get too sexual too soon. You know how it is, it's kind of a competition amongst teenage boys to see what they can get off a girl. She may not like that kind of thing at all and will respect you more if you're not that type of guy. But 1 month in you've pretty much shown that by now.
Now saying all that OP, it is important that you try a bit and you do try and make that progression. Guys who are too respectful and don't do that kind of stuff are very often mistaken as not desiring that girl enough or being frigid.
You have to balance it finely, but you're with her 1 month, you should know a bit about her by now. Test the boundaries gently, respect her but don't be afraid to make a move. She will feel desirable and will probably do those things with you. Take it nice and easy and don't ask at all. If you ask then she may feel pressured. If you leave things unsaid and just slowly progress physically then you're not making any demands, you're not saying straight out that you want to start having sexy time.
OP one important thing to remember a lot of boys your age seem to think this is the case. If she lets you caress her boob it doesn't mean she's ready to drop her knickers for you, so don't get the idea that you can then just go hell for leather and maul her, and it doesn't mean you can just go straight for her breasts every time you kiss either.
The only way you'll find out is by trying. She's your girlfriend which means you're allowed to try.
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