A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderful boyfriend and I love him to pieces and can't bear to think of my life without him but recently he's started a new job and we dont see each other much as he's working 50 hours at a restuarant then moonlighting at a secuity job Friday, Saturday and Sunday nites till 4am. I have an average 9-5 so therfore we only see each other one night a we have started arguing about everything and everything all the time.We have lived together just over a year and our contract is due to run out in 2 months and he wants to find seperate places to live. He says the reason for this is that when we argue he gets a really bad temper (which is true) and is scared of hurting me, (he has hit me once over 6 months ago). He says if we get seperate places that when we argue we can both go and cool down. Is this him ending it in a round about way? he says that he's doing it cos he loves me so much and doesnt want to hurt me but if he loved me he wouldnt feel like this surely? Do you think he loves me like i do him and is worth me staying with? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (2 May 2007):
 I think that living seperately can be a great thing. My boyfriend and I have being in a relationship for 9 years and we live seperately. For no other reason than we both wanted to get into the property market.
We did live together for 6 months when I moved to Scotland and it was great, but I have to say living seperately does have its pro's.
I quite agree with him that you should live apart for the simple fact that if you argue you can both go your seperate ways to think things through, and the making up part is even better. Also if he has hit you once, he needs to deal with that.
I have high bloodpressure which as an effect, I have a very bad temper. However I have learnt to control this so that I dont take it out on my boyfriend. The best way being if we argue, I tell him to go home, and the argument stops. We both have time to think about what has happened and to calm down, then later we make up.
Honestly, you'll not be sorry!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Yes you should live separately...very, very separately. He has physically abused you and if he's done it once he's likely to do it again. He may love you but if he has a problem with anger managemment that is a much more important matter. I'd advise him to seek counseling and that you'll see him when he's better.
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