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We have been together for 3 years, he gets all the home comforts at his mums, he wont move in together as he says he needs back up money ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2006)
A female , *ori2581 writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3yrs, I live in my home with my 5yr old son from my previous relationship and he comes and stays with me every night and weekends but has all his stuff and eats at his parents. I am 25yrs and he is 34yrs old. The problem I have is that he wont sort it so that we can live together properly. He goes to his mums house after work eats the dinners that she has made for him watches Eastenders then comes over! I am not happy in my house and i'm barely living on benefits he knows I struggle but just assumes I should get a job, he doesnt see why he should support me. I've just found out that i'm pregnant but still he wont budge, saying that he wants a few hundred quid in the bank before he moves in as he is self employed and wants to have back up money incase any problems arise, he also wants me to work and i've tried explaining that if we lived together I could work as the options are better as he would be around to look after my son. Am I wrong for giving him the ultimatum to arrange for us to be together or I am moving away to be nearer my family who can help and support me so I wont have to struggle anymore?

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A female reader, Angel_A +, writes (12 September 2006):

Angel_A agony auntIt does sound like he likes his home comforts, but either way this guy has to face up to the responsibilities of both you and his unborn child. I imagine the news of a child will have sent him into a bit of a blind panic if he's clinging on to the safety net of his mum's place still - there's no escaping this for him and it's coming to crunch time.

I can't help feeling a new baby isn't great timing with things as they are - did you both plan it or was the pregnancy accidental? It doesn't sound like the sort of thing he'd plan and sadly he may say he feels trapped and may run away and hide?

I hope I'm wrong, I hope he realises now that he has to get together with you and start acting like a grown man

Good luck x

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A female reader, Helen1986 United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2006):

Helen1986 agony auntNo I dont think that you are wrong at all. I think it is time that your boyfriend grows up a bit and realises that you have needs and feelings also. Why cant he move in and help his love out especially since you are pregnant with his child. He seems to have it easy and is living the life of a twenty year old, he is nearly forty and still lives at home with his mother. I suggest that you tell him to sort himself out or you are going to move on and find someone who can take care of you. I wish you luck hunny

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