A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with this guy since this time last year. After being together for 7 months, he moved to my home country in Asia for a new job. I visited him after 1.5 months and he told me he's very attracted to Asian women and found difficult to resist the distractions. I proposed an open relationship to which he agreed. We were still talking almost everyday on Skype. During my visit I also found out that when we first knew eachother, he was sleeping with a few women on a business trip (as ONS) and he admitted that pretty much what he did when he didn't have a girlfriend. After I came back I told him that he should get tested as he didn't use condom all the time. I also got tested myself. Both of our results are negative. Now I'm visiting home and will spend a week with him (he's not in my home city). I have dated a few guys myself but nothing serious. I don't have problem having sex with him since we're still emotionally intimate, health is my only concern. I told him he should get tested again and he was like "what? why! I just got tested!" I told him that was 3 months ago and he said immediately "But I didn't have sex with anybody since you left!"I checked our previous text messages and it took 3 weeks last time to get the results so there's not enough time anyways. I asked him again if he had protected sex everytime since I left and he said again he didn't do it at all. I then asked him if he minded that I didn't have a recent test report to show him and he said "as long as you didn't have sex..." to which I confirmed "no". And he said "then it's alright."He sounded genuine...I'm on pills so we never used condoms, he didn't like it and I found it unnecessary. But now? Of course I can force him to use condoms but this is like screaming "I DON'T TRUST YOU". I told him today "Don't let me find out you're lying by catching something from you", and he said "Don't worry, you won't!" I'm thinking that I probably should just trust him, is it a smart decision?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): My gut reaction is you can't trust him.
You agreed to an open relationship because he told you he was having unprotected sex with multiple partners and that opened the door to all of this.
In other words, in order to keep him, you let him sleep around when he feels like it. You can date also, but you're not having sex with other men, so you're not really ok with an open relationship it seems.
I would require that he get tested again and maybe use condoms anyway just in case. But honestly if you have to do all of that this isn't much of a relationship. Someone who puts your health at risk isn't worth it.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
 hi
this is your health you are talking about and you don't trust what he says about not being with further women since last time he was tested. never ignore your instincts.
take plenty of condoms with you, he doesn't like them? - well that's just a pity! you should not put your health (life, even) at risk
xx
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 If you are this worried, you DON'T trust him. That's the simple fact.
If you still want to be with him, just use condoms. Use the excuse that you forgot a pill and want to be extra careful.
After the week is up, you should seriously examine how much you want to stay in a long distance relationship with a man you don't trust to wear a condom when he's sleeping with other women.
Maybe you two are truly in love, but if that is to continue, firm trust should be established.
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