A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up a year ago. He was just not ready to commit and I found it too difficult so it ended and it broke my heart. Yet a year later (even after we had kept in touch via email/text now and again) my ex suddenly got back in contact and suggested we meet up/possibly try again. He lives in a different country but I thought long and hard and in the end decided I was strong enough to deal with it. I visited him and it was all so perfect. He showed me he had changed and we got on perfectly (although I must admit it was more cuddles and hugs than passion).The thing is when I raised the question of when we should see each other again (I have recently left my job so have lots of free time), he immediately became vague. This upset and angered me and I explained that if it was this hard how could we start to make things work! He then told me he was scared it wouldnt work and he needed time to think about things...again!! Its been 2 weeks and I have heard nothing. I tried to call (he never picks up or calls back) and he has repsonded to my texts twice (I must have sent at least 5). He sais he needs time to think. He also said he has been ill and is not trying to be difficult. I am so very hurt. I realise I really him and I had made a decision to commit and yet he seems to need time?I think about the sitation all the time and its driving me mad. My friends think I need to get out there and forget him but I have this loyalty to him that I feel I cant do that. Although, that has not stopped him flirting outrageously on his social networking sites. I blame myself sometimes - should I have not been so keen and played more of a game. But, he was a returning ex?! And he said he had really thought about is before asking me back AND we got on well, so what changed in 2 weeks and what do I do???!!I hope you may provide some advice...any advice..Many thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince posting my question I just burst and demanded he give me an answer. He did. He does not want a relationship as he is unwilling or cannot give that to me. We are so perfect when we are together yet the problems always start when we are apart and he just grows so distant...maybe I should have given him the time but I think the answer would have been the same.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 He was a returning ex...and he returned to doing exactly the same things he was doing before. People never really change- unless they decide it on their own and they do it for their own sake. Because what they are doing does not work for them anymore, and it hurts them.
But this is not the case with your bf. He is fine the way things are. He can be vague,elusive and uncommited- he can dodge your phone calls, disregard your emails-he can take all the time he wants to "think ". He knows whatever he does, you are there, looyal and patient, putting up with any kind of nonsense, in change of a few hugs and cuddles that make you feel as everything is going so well.
Hugs and cuddles are very nice, but not what decides if a relationship has lasting potential or not. These woulkd be other factors,li8ke a shared visipn for your future, an open,sincere,easy communication, a mutual trust, a sense that both partners have the same power and leverage in the relationship... a sense of "togetherness " that from what you said is missing.
Well,I guess that I made pretty obvious that in my opinion you should move on. Also for a very simple detail- suppposing, when he is done thinking, he says- ok, now I have made up my mind, I am serious about you. - Yes,very nice, but...what if he changes his mind AGAIN ? He has done it twice,right ?
Stop concedntrating on what he wants to do, what he needs, what hes in mind- ans start putting yourself first . What do YOU want ? what do you need from a man to feel loved and respected ? With which kind of man do you see yourself sharing your life... ?
And if this guy is not the right answer to your questions-just let him go. It's too hard trynd to "mould " an adult to suit our needs- and most of the times ,it's pointless.
Love is easy,is natural- it flows.
When there are so many but and if and what if....probably it's not lo9ve. Just fear,lonelinees,insecurity,or habit.
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