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male
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anonymous
writes: i love my wife like crazy, but we have had our first child and because we have been dedicated to raising our child and focusing on her all this time we hardly get intimate anymore . Now she is a year old , the problem is that we have hardly made love in the last 12 months and we would like to have another child but how are we supposed to do that when we dont have the closeness we once had ?.I try my hardest to instigate any form of love making but she is always too tired and never up for it ,i miss the closeness we had and we are drifting apart . I cant handle this situation anymore and am starting to think of and desire other women . I want to make love to my wife but we just dont have the time and energy to make an effort anymore, but at the same time i am scared that i will have an affair and lose everytrhing that we have worked to achieve and more importantly lose my wife and beautiful baby girl . what am i supposed to do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2006): Ok, i dont think that having another baby soon will work out. It will most definatly make the problem a little harder to deal with. I think every couple goes through this when they have kids. But if you know your wife is exhausted, why not make her work a little easier by helping around the house like washing dishes, vaccuming, taking out the trash, doing the laundry every now and then. That would be a huge help. She wont feel so overwhelmed or tired anymore and then might show interest in sex. Run her a bath and tell her that you'd watch the baby while she enjoys her nice hot bubble bath and while she's doing that, try putting the baby to sleep and set out some lingerie that you bought out on the bed and let her know that even though she's had a baby that you desire her the same and desire her even more because she is the mother of your child. Woman get turned on by the fact that their husbands are considerate. Her job is 24/7 and she would love to have a break she would be very turned on when you show some consideration. Right now she may get a little frustrated because she may be thinking that your asking for too much when you know that she's tired. Just start helping her out with little things here and there and you'll notice her old self coming around and she'll be wanting you!!! Cheating will make the problem a whole lot worse! thats not the solution to the problem here. put yourself in her shoes...you saw everything that she went through to have a baby and everything she's gone through raising your daughter for the first year..imagine you going through that. be considerate. its tiresome and overwhelming...she doesnt have time to enjoy herself. i hope you understand and that you be patient about this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): hello being a woman myself and having a child, its a very exhausting time emotionally for a woman. after being through childbirth which is not a very pleasant experience and having all your bits n pieces prodded, poked and stretched out of all proportion makes you feel very unsexy. afterwards the care and all the time devoted raising a baby, the endless feeding, mountains of nappies doesn't make you feel very desirable at all. because you are dedicating all your time and energy to your child, making love seems to be the last thing on the agenda because you are so emotionally tired.what you and your wife need is time away to yourselves if you are financially able to do this, even if its one night away. treat your wife, a visit to the hair salon, new clothes, make her feel great. tell her you love her and how sexy you think she is.make her feel special, let her totally relax, make her feel like a woman and not a mother for the day.hopefully you will make love again, try and make a regular thing out of it, it will give you both something to look forward to.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Talk to her!! Tell her how you are feeling!! But have a bit of heart about all this. Since its been so long she a, could be worried thats its going to hurt, and b, might not feel as attractive as she once did after the birth of the baby. Her hormones may not have settled down entirely and a baby is hard work. She needs to feel special again, and you need to start by telling her how wonderful she is, how much you love her and what a loving mum she is. But she also needs time on her own to get back to feeling that shes all these things. Try not to think of it as sex, think of all the other things you can do together, cuddle her without it being sex, kiss her, ... maybe even arrange a night out for just the two of you and arrange for someone to look after the little one, just to give her a break and you two some quality time together. See if there is more that you can do for her, first you have to show your support towards her then the loving comes back, shes just seeing that shes looking after the baby and you want sex. Make her feel that its alot more than that and talk to her, let her know that you miss that part of the two and you and that you would like to get it back but when she is ready, and ask her how she feels about it. There is more to a marriage than sex, she needs to feel special, not just a mum, but a person again. Let her get herself back on track and then things will follow the normal path. But do make sure you talk to her, and dont go looking at other woman to sleep with, thats just plain dirty and you know that! It wont mean anything and its not what you really want. Talk to your wife and let her know shes the most special thing to you.
Take care x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Babies are exhausting and women sometimes suffer post-natal depression and dissatisfaction with their bodies for a long time after pregnancy. Having a fling with someone else will just make you feel cheap and dirty if you truely love this woman, and won't solve the problem. Sex is not what a marriage is about - although it is part of it. Mutual support and communication is the vital component of any long lasting relationship - you see that she is tired all the time, and who wouldn't be caring for a baby? Instead of thinking of sex, think of ways to relieve her burden of parenting and child care so she can rest and get back to her old self. This means giving up your weekends to let her go out by herself and have some 'me time' while you take care of your daughter. YOu may notice a remarkable difference!
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