A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 months and I broke up on the 15th. He moved back to his city which is 45 minutes away. Awe broke up do to fighting a lot . We decided that we would try to work on things but not be together right yet. He moved back because he said it would give us time to evaluate the relationship whatever that means. I found out that he's been getting drunk every night he said hes been depressed.he told me Tuesday that he missed being here with me and missed coming home to me. He's been saying he loves me when we hang up after talking on the phone. The other night he told me he wouldn't get drunk but he didn't anyway and I got mad and told him that I couldn't be with him if he was gonna get drunk every night, he begged me not "leave" him or be done with him. He told me that he gave me and my daughter his life and that no other guy can give her all the love that he gave her. He told me that he still cared about one of ex's but not in a love way, as I do to still care about my ex which is my daughters father. Any way last night he told me that I should find someone better then him. He left some of his stuff at my house cause he said he'd be back, now he's saying he's not coming back because it was better for us if we wasn't together. He said I put to much pressure on him and that I keep texting him non stop. He said I don't give him time to just relax or anything. Now he's not replying back to any of my texts. How do I make things better? I really love him a lot. And knowing that we may not be together is devastating. My daughter loves him to death as well he's been more of a father figure to her then her real dad. Since he left she goes around yelling for him. He said that he still wanted to see her even tho we're not together or getting back together. All my friends say that I just need to give him his space like he wanted and not text him or have any contact with him that way it gives him a reason to miss me instead of blowing up his phone all day. Any advice on how I can bring him back closer to me after I've pushed him away?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 July 2013):
Hi there. I agree with what your friends have said.
Texting him is only going to annoy him, and not allow him the space he really needs to think about everything.
All he really needs is some space.
And then he can miss you, and think about you, and about all the good times you had together, and how much he loves you.
Whenever you text him to see how he is, it is just crowding his space, and applying more pressure on him to change his mind.
And what that will end up doing unfortunately, is pushing him right away from you.
And then withdrawing from you altogether.
And it will most likely make him angry with you.
There is more chance of him eventually making contact with you, if you just leave him alone and don't text him at all.
I really believe this is your best course of action now.
And when I say give him space, I mean no contact whatsoever, and for whatever time that takes.
It could be weeks, or even a few months.
It is impossible to say just how long, at the moment.
I feel sure that you will regret it if you did keep on texting him.
It will help if you get back into circulation with your friends again, and start going out and enjoying yourself and having fun.
And it will stop you thinking any negative, depressive thoughts about him.
Plus, the time will go more quickly.
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