A
female
age
41-50,
*exie88
writes:I posted about this situation before but now more things have happened and I’m trying to get over it but I’m doubting myself big time.I started seeing a guy who was two weeks earlier dumped by his girlfriend (she’d found someone else and was cheating on him). We got along really well and had the most amazing two dates (both went on for hours). The fourth date we hung out at his place watching movies and although he didn’t try anything with me (just some kissing) he was joking about me staying the night, and saying my skirt should be on the floor after I made a comment about it being uncomfortable. I only let him kiss me and when I left we made plans to see each other again. The next day I text him to say thanks for the date. He responded to me a day late but was acting weird, not his usual enthusiastic self. Before this he’d be the one texting me first, saying he can’t wait to see me and so on. When I replied to him he started asking me to come to his place to hang out since his roommate is out of town…it was late and I said I couldn’t. We met up a few days later anyway but he wasn’t talking much, and it was such an effort to get him to talk. We ended up watching movies at his place again and he tried getting more intimate with me but I said no because I haven’t known him for long...I just felt it wouldn't stop there if you know what I mean. He didn’t protest or try again after that. He then started saying he was tired and should go to bed and so that was my cue to leave. The next day I tried to set up a day out over the weekend. He first agreed but when I messaged him to confirm details he never replied to me and hasn’t called or messaged since.Was he only looking for rebound sex? Did I do the right thing in not letting him do more with me than kissing? I’m thinking I should have gone a bit further but then if I did that I wonder if that wouldn’t have been enough and I’d be here asking if I should have gone all the way.If I did let him, is there a chance this could’ve turned into a relationship?I can’t stop thinking that I was too reserved and that he perhaps only wanted to get a bit closer to me, but shouldn't the fact that he's already given up on me after not getting what he wants tell me he wasn't after a relationship with me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I think he is still dealing with his ex and looking for a good time. He is most likely confused and trying to sort out his own feelings. I would resolve myself to the fact that this most likely won't turn into a relationship. However If you want to continue dating him and don't want to get physical unless in a relationship, then perhaps you should steer clear of hanging out at his place. I also think that too often we keep questions and feeling inside as to not rock the boat so to speak. Try just being brutally honest and let him know that you like him but you feel like he is playing a game that you are unwilling to play as well. Let him know that unless he is truely interested in you and a relationship, sex (in any form) is off the table. Let him know that if he has any respect for you as a person he will treat you respectfully, honestly and openly.
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (6 May 2009):
Lexie88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks Star :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): its up to you if you think he is worth it (he might have a sensible excuse) - but i think you have to be careful. - if he is bouncing from a rebound - is it worth your time right now?
- you have have done brilliantly to avoid wandering hands etc. SO be careful of becoming a challenge in yourself. (i think you can look after you) but just a thought.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (5 May 2009):
Lexie88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much Star. I was doubting myself but your answer made me feel better. in case you read my update, this guy's since messaged me apologizing for not getting back to me. i don't even know if i should respond, what do you think? thanks again! L xo
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): i think you were perfect, but his actions were wrong.
i think you are right - i don't think he was over his ex.
i don't think he was really into you.
i think you can do better - go find someone who wants you body and brain.
Star.x.
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