We broke up, I had sex with another guy, ex found out and then I had sex with him! Where do I stand with my ex now?

Tagged as: Sex, The ex-factor

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Question - (28 March 2012)

3 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2012)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

dear cupid,

soo, this is gonna be pretty long-winded, buuut hopefully, somebody will be able to help me. thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to give it a shot. ")

for the past year, i've been on-again/off-again with this guy named craig.* we've been through a lot together; to put it simply, he's really my first "adult love." we started out when i was nineteen and he was twenty, and i had been single since i was seventeen. i lost my virginity to him back in june. in august, our relationship started suffering because of some things that he was going through, and we broke up in october. we stayed friends, though, and in december, we started "talking" again.

a couple weeks back, he started going through some more really tough stuff and pushing me away (he's just that kind of person; he wants to be left alone to carry everything on his own shoulders--kind of the strong, silent type, if you get what i'm saying). i asked him what he wanted me to do, and at first, he said that he just needed time, and then, he told me to move on (and last night, he denied ever saying that). we left each other alone for a week, and then, we started texting occasionally, but it was never anything really deep.

two days ago, i went to hang out with joseph*, a mutual friend that i used to "talk" to before i met craig (craig knows about this, and he's never particularly cared for me being anywhere around joseph or talking to him). well, one thing led to another, and joseph and i ended up having intercourse. then, last night, joseph texted me saying that he felt like he had to tell craig. i begged him not to...buuut next thing i know, craig's blowing up my phone saying how pissed he is and asking me why i did it and saying he's gonna kill joseph.

craig and i talked about it pretty much all night long, and then, he randomly told me to come over before class in the morning. soo, this morning, i went to his apartment (it was the first time we'd seen each other in a little over two weeks), and i wasn't really sure how to act. then, he started acting the way that he always did--like, he didn't even seem mad.

we were just laying in his bed watching tv, and out of nowhere, he just grabbed me and held me and was like rubbing my back and stuff. then, next thing i know, he's making out with me...which led to foreplay...which led to intercourse. we've had our fair share of "touchy-feely" moments since our relationship went south, but this morning was completely different from all of those other times. honestly, this morning was the best that we've been since, like, july. it wasn't just that typical, "hott-and-heavy" type of sex; he was being SOO loving about it. and for a while there, it got to the point where i was always the one initiating everything. but this morning, he did everything. it's like he seriously couldn't get enough of me.

before i left, i hugged him and told him that i was soo sorry. i said that i loved him and asked him if he forgave me. he hugged me and said that he loved me, too, and that yes, he does forgive me...but he wouldn't look at me when he said it. i asked him to look at me after he said it, and he did...but while he was talking, he had his eyes turned away.

my question is, what should i conclude from his reaction? i mean, he went from telling me to move on to getting mad about what i did with joseph to wanting me to come over to acting like he's more into me than he's been in a long time to not even looking at me when he forgave me and said that he loved me. is he just still hurt about what i did? do you think he's actually forgiven me and still loves me? and what should happen now?

any help is greatly appreciated.

View related questions: broke up, foreplay, lost my virginity, move on, my ex, sex with another, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

cole,

well, the reason that joseph gave for telling craig is that he felt like he was betraying him by keeping it quiet. the thing is, these guys are nowhere NEAR as good of friends as they used to be; they've had a lot of issues, and when it all comes down to it, neither one of them even likes the other all that much. they'd never actually admit that to each other's face, buuut i've heard enough to know.

the REAL reason--and craig even said this himself, and i know it's true, and even joseph knows it's true--that joseph told is that he just wanted to piss craig off. he's always been the kind of guy that just likes to start stuff; i don't know if it's because he likes the attention that come along with it or if he just likes seeing people get mad at each other. buuut yeahh...that's definitely the reason that he did what he did.

i really hope you're right about craig missing me, being passionate about me, still loving me, and forgiving me in time. and just like i told him, you can rest assured that nothing like this is ever going to happen again!!!