A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm going out with this guy for over a year now. I love him and all. But off late, things have become very difficult. He just cannot seem to make time for me. Ok, so we had exams for a while and he didn't have time. I get that. But we have holidays now and he still can't make time. I understand that football will ALWAYS come before me. I have accepted that. But he always has friends over, or he's at their place. We can't talk on the phone at night. He's not much of a texter. He basically has time for EVERYTHING else except me. We try to make plans but they've been failing every time. He only calls when he needs something from me. I'm feeling really stressed out off late and he's never there. He's just never there when I need him. I feel like he's taking too much for granted. I know he loves me, but I cannot let this go on any longer. I often get the feeling that he's only with me for the physical aspect. I've tried talking to him about it, but we always end up fighting. He makes me sound like a psycho and I end up apologizing. I feel really helpless.. I don't know what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): he sounds just like my soon-to-be-ex husband was. I, however, just went off and did the same thing he was - lived my own life doing my own thing.the result: we didn't really have a relationship, even though we were technically married. we were just housemates (except when he wanted the physical aspect then all of a sudden he would be interested in me). I began to hate having physical relations with him. Then our "relationship" really deteriorated. This went on for YEARS because when you're married it's not so easy to just walk away.then after a few years, his 'life' fell through - all the things he had been putting above me, were no longer there. His friends deserted him, his career went downhill....he had nothing. now he came crawling back to me wanting me to be there for him. But I was already living my own life and had no interest in him....I tried to become interested in him now, but it's hard to feel invested in someone who put you last on his list of priorities except when he wants something from you. Now we're finally going through a divorce, and it's about 10 years too late. better late than never, though.my advice to you: walk away from this relationship. Your bf has shown you that he's not interested in you except when he wants you-know-what. You can't "make" someone be interested in you if they're not. So your only options are to leave so you can find someone who is less selfish, or stay in the relationship on his terms and cope and continue to be miserable, or at best becoming so emotionally detached (like me) that you might as well not even be in a relationship except that you're not free to date other people either since you're technically spoken for. Either way, as long as you stay with him you're missing out on a real relationship because he's not there, and yet you're not allowed to date other people either.
A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 You need to stir him up a little if he is taking too much for granted, maybe he feels a little too secure, maybe he thinks no matter what he does you will always be there for him ... make him realize that the relationship takes 2 to tango and he needs to graft just as much as you to make it work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Dont make your world revolve around him, try to make him realize what he is without you.. We tend to neglect and take things for granted if we feel too secure..
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