A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So during this summer I met this girl who just seems right for me and that the fates had lined us up multiple times to be together. Anywho we have a romantic stint while studying abroad for 3 months. We traveled for a week after our program and she went home. During this time we were still chatting and talking often using relationship language like "I miss you" and other stuff you get the point. Anywho...prior to this great summer, I had planned to "visit" an old friend on my continued travels. My romance went home and i went on traveling. I had informed my romance that I would be going to meet this old friend and that some things might happen between us physically, strictly physical. She was okay with it and whatever which I was amazed cause she had said as long as it was physical there was no need for her to worry as I had "needs." So anyways time ticks down and I"m about to go visit this other girl in her country. The day before it happens, my romance tells me she made out with some dude at a party partly due to her drinking a bit and him catching her by surprise as he was sharing the same couch as her as they slept. She said she kissed him back for 15 seconds and stopped it when she thought of me. I was hurt and decided it was best that we no longer stay in touch because I didn't want to do the same thing to her and hurt her in the following upcoming days. She reluctantly agreed and we virtually departed. NOt more than 5 or 6 days afterwards I contact her again and tell her it was a mistake. Now I don't want anything (even physical) with this girl im visiting and I want to move closer towards establishing something more firm, stable, dare I say, committed with this romance of mine. She is ecstatic to hear from me again and laments how miserable and heart broken she was for that 5 days. Before we get into talking about what I have done with this other girl, she confesses to me tbat she fucked a guy because she was distraught and the guy was in the same situation as her so they found some quasi fucked up connection because of that. SHe said it lasted 5 minutes, meant nothing, and was thinking about me the whole time. But she didn't stop it this time when I had popped into her head. So as of now, I had slept with a girl I had met last year on my travels this time travel season, she had slept with a random guy, i want to be with her but I don't know to process what she did. Do I discount it? Do I try to forget it? I know I fucked up but at the same time, I had planned to see this girl long before I had met this romance of mine and I had plane tickets to see her already. She didn't know the guy she fucked. She is 20 and I'm 27 and I'm afraid her mistakes (ignoring mine for now) are a result of her age even though I find her somewhat mature for her age. I don't want to dick around anymore at this point and want to look for commitment, wondering i'm looking in the right direction right now. SHe says she cares about me so much and is willing to forgive and forget for the sake of what we can have with each other. But I feel she is a bit naive and immature for ignoring all the issues that should be signaling an end to all of what we have created so far. Please help...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 two wrongs do not make a right...
gawd I would have said the same thing she did to you about the sleeping with an old friend but it would have cut me like a knife....
will you two be LDR... if you will be LDR I'm not sure i would recommend setting up for heartache.. however if you guys are local I might say give it a shot.
you like her, she likes you
it's early in the relationship and you both took actions that were not exactly conducive to trust and commitment but it's in my opinion early enough that you both could chalk it up to something else and move on at a new level together.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 She doesn't sound immature to me at all. You say you don't know if you can forgive her, but you are getting down to small details that shouldn't even matter, at the end of the day you say you are wanting commitment, but then you tell this romance off yours that you are going of to have a physical relationship with a friend. Yes she may have gave you her permission but I bet deep down this really hurt her more than you could ever imagine. So she got drunk and kissed another guy, you ended things so she went out and had a rebound moment of passion with another guy. Am sorry but I really am struggling to see your point of view of things. She never done anything wrong you are the one that started all of this. She was mature enough to tell you the truth about what happened. If you want commitment and you want this girl well then it is time you made that commitment to her and am sure you could be both happy if you forget about the past and stop blaming her for something she has not done wrong. It is not like she cheated on you. If you want commitment then talk to her and tell her that. As am sure she wants the same thing. Good luck.
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