A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my situation is complicated and confusing and sounds relatively similar to all the other stories posted. i don't want to believe that i could be the exception to a happy ending because realistically, the odds are against me but it is difficult to completely shut out the thought. my MM and i have only known each other for about 2 months. we both have military lifestyles and are overseas away from our families, friends, etc... when i first met him, it was on professional terms as he is my Supervisor for my job. we are close in age, i am 20, he is 21. he is married and has a 5mth old son and told me this in casual conversation while introducing ourselves. after that day, we realized how many mutual friends we shared and in turn, we too became good friends. i was casually dating at the time and although i was attracted to this MM i never considered the thought of acting upon it. he was off limits, point blank and regardless, i was happy being friends. yet the closer we got, a connection began that was undeniable to the both of us. i tried to deny having feelings and even tried bringing guys that i went on dates with to gatherings i knew he would be at. i would introduce them in attempt to avoid what was inevitable. he began getting upset when i would go out with other guys although he wouldn't directly verbalize it, but would threaten to leave the hangout if i brought around someone he thought i may have feelings for. trust me, i know what you're thinking and how this sounds. anyway, one night in particular i could tell something was bothering him, and i hated to see him down... we were at a party, which he is not much of a drinker so we left and went for a walk. as the conversation continued, we knew there was something more than a friendship between us. we both confessed that we had feelings for each other but we knew we were in the wrong and chose not to act on them. but as the days passed, and our feelings were exposed to one another, we began getting closer, eventually crossing out of that gray area and creating something more. we kissed, became a lot closer and hanging out more often. we spent most of our time just talking, getting to know each other, sharing our lives... it was continuous... i felt guilty, knowing he was married and tried to sever the ties between us, twice. he told me that he would respect any decision i made and had no intention of hurting me... but somehow we always ended up right back where we started. we are very close now. we have been intimate and every thing about us and the connection we have is incredible. our conversation, common interests, attraction both physically and mentally... it is all amazing. he recently expressed to me how torn he is... he and his wife were dating for 3 mths when he was deployed.. upon his return, he found out she was pregnant and made the decision to marry her so that he could take care of what he needed to, especially with his lifestyle. he says that he never really got to know her the way that he wanted to and it doesn't help the situation that they have been arguing a lot lately.i am terribly confused. i am falling in love with him. and it feels so incredibly real. he wants to do the right thing but circumstances are making it difficult. first, how do you decide what is the RIGHT thing to do? love and marriage are unfortunately 2 different ballgames. he wants to raise a family and he would die if she took his son from him. i would never want that to happen. she is a good wife and person... but they do not have the connection that we share. we have only been involved a few months. we will be together for the next 10 mths as well where she will not be here. i am not sure what route i take at this point or what is the right thing to do....any advice, comments at all, please, feel free
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Well, I wouldn't consider getting someone pregnant "only dating for three months". Dating is only dating. Sex is more of an emotional commitment. They actually were lovers. I'm pretty sure that he was aware that sex makes babies, so he was willing to take a chance with this woman and be her lover, and now, they are a family. You may think that you have a stronger connection, but being lovers is pretty darned "connected" - Don't you think? So, it would seem that he is a bit of a liar about his connections, especially considering the big one, the fact that he is married. He isn't lying to you, but lying to her. Doesn't this make you question his depth of character?
You may think that you are in competition for him here, and that you are winning, but what exactly is it that you are winning? How will you feel if you DO get married, and he goes overseas and you are separated from him? You already know what to expect, worst case scenario, if you DO wind up becoming his second wife, Right?
If you are asking what the honorable thing to do is, I know that you already know. They are a family, and as a woman, you should know what the honorable thing is. You knew he was taken and you shouldn't have gone there, but you did. Leave him now, before your heart gets in any deeper. One day, it could be YOU sitting at home with a baby, hoping that some woman does the right thing, instead of sleeping with your husband.
The person who is the MOST wrong in this whole situation here is HIM, but you are involved, and you shouldn't be.
I really do wish you well, but you have to know, Hun, that NO good can come of this. Think about all of the difficulties that starting from this adulterous relationship will cause in any future marriage between you two. You will be living side-by-side with his ex because of his child while you start your new "blended" family, because he has one child already. She will always hate you and she will have every right to hate you. That's a pretty awful way to begin a marriage. How would you explain all of this to your future kids as well? "Well, Daddy and Mommy were boinking when Daddy was still married..." Doesn't make you feel very comfortable, does it? Try to look ahead, make a Pro an Con list, if you will, but be honest about the whole downside of this situation. For instance, You will be at this child's wedding one day, with all the mother's relatives, and they won't think too highly of you OR your husband. It's kind of like ripples on a pond, isn't it? It just keeps spreading through time. Just remember, you threw that rock in. You should probably just turn your back and walk away from this before you complicate your life even further. Take good care of yourself with the decisions that you make for yourself. I am assuming that when you wrote in here, you wanted to hear a lot of different opinions, so I hope that this might help you make a decision. Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Hey girl,
I think that you should honestly listen to both your heart and your head on this one. Do you honestly want to risk breaking up a family? Is this something that you would be able to live with if you guys did get together and he left his wife for you? Hearing the way things are it sounds like you are a really caring person so I think it would be up to you on how you can handle this situation. Just ask yourself those questions. Ask yourself is it worth it? Is he someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with? Can you handle being the other woman.
That's all you can really do.
hope I helped some,
Good luck!
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