A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:The moment I saw this girl, the first time I saw her, heard her sing, it made me feel weightless. I was completely captivated. That was 5 years ago, I've still never had real contact with her, I see her when I go to church as she is the main choir singer. That is until I joined the choir a little over a year ago. Now, I see her more often but I still haven't made a real conversation with her. The problem is that I'm a shy guy and the problem is, she's an even shyer girl. Plus, she's two years older than me. Some of you would say disregard it, but it matters when I'm in High School and she's in University. What should I do to change my current situation with her? Also, I sometimes catch her glancing at me or looking at me with the corner of her eyes. Could she be eying me as well or am I just delusional? Help
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Practice this. Say "hello" to her. Then the next time you see her, say "hello, you sang really well today." Then the next time you see her, say "Hi, I wanted to ask you something about how you sing." (Make up a question and ask it.)
See, the strategy is about just adding a few words each time.
Start with "hello" and then the next time, add a few words, then a few more words and before you know it, you'll be having an actual conversation.
Practice some breathing techniques to calm your racing heart and make yourself more comfortable. By focusing on breathing, you will bring yourself to the present moment.
Anxiety is living in the future. If you are feeling anxious about your encounters with her, it's because you are making stuff up in your head. Stick to the concrete real world that is in front of you moment by moment. Begin to recognize when you start imagining her reactions to your reactions. "If" statements are a dead giveaway. "If I say this to her, she'll……"BBBBBZZZZZZZZZ. WRONG. That's imaginary. That's not what's really happening.
Start with "hello." Breathe. Feel the air come to the tip of your nose and into your nostrils and then down into your lungs. Take a deep breath, fill your lungs, expel the old stale air and repeat.
Try becoming conscious of your breath for 5 minutes. Sit with a timer and just practice. Breathe in, breathe out. Play with holding your breath just a little bit. Try some shallower breathing. Try to fill your lungs to their fullest capacity, feel your ribcage expand then contract. Remember that your belly should be getting bigger on the inhale and then flatten the belly against your spine as you exhale. Lots of people do backwards breathing. See if you might not be doing that.
At the end of 5 minutes, sit and just observe how you feel. Whatever that is, it's not wrong or right, it just is.
Now practice every morning, just before you see her and remember "hello" then a few more words.
See if that helps.
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