A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i meet Mr x about 8 months ago in a website we have chilled and have good times we have got to know each other intimate too. but recently i have discover things about his past. he has had 3 exes which he still talks too and the last one he hasent gone over him. he recently told me that he wants to slow things down between us because he feels when we have intimacy that he feels wrong guilty that he wants to slow down because he wants to make sure im the one that he always starts relationships backwards so he wants us to slow down. while i see where his coming from i have feelings for him that i just cant make them go away, im trying to compromise to what he ask me to do, but its hard for me. i hear him all the time comparing me to his ex, he travels a lot and he spends the night at one of his exes house so he dosent have to drive so far which i can understand except that he has said that they fool around every time his there. he just came back from a trip and i been wanting to ask if he has sleep with him or someone else. i dunno what to do im losing it. i care a lot about him but i dont know if what he ask of me is rational or even if its fair for me to do all the things he wants and for me not to question him. i been burn before and i just afraid to get hurt again, is there any kind of sings that i could use to see if he really cares about us and that his just not saying things so we are ok? how can i tell if he still have feelings for his exes or if he has been sleeping with them. is this even healthy for me to try and hang on should i just go and wait until im capable of been his friend as what he wanted me to be for now and let the relationship unfold naturally which i dont even understand what that means. i find most of the time either jellous or anxious or even angry because i dont know what his trying to do or what his intetions are. and when ask its hard for him to tell me what is going on and he ends up saying he wants to take things slow same answer. yet i dunno if his sleeping around and when i hear that his with his ex it hurts me. what can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso the question i ask sounds to me made more base of sex which is not what i intended is about the feelings i got for him. we we got into a fight we discuss whats up and he saids he appreciates that i have feelings for him but his not ready, that he wants to be friends we no longer can have sexual relations. and to me that kinda felt like rejection i mean one day we finally do it thought we are getting closer and the next time you know he saids that its feels wrong that he wish we wouldnt have had sex. i dont understand what that means, but all i know is that i took a chance and he didnt meet me half way and im trying to not to get heartbroken but i cant help it. its like im obsess with him not like crazy but i find myself thinking and worring about him and its not fair for me cause he dosent do the same thing for me. so im thinking i started to cool things down until eventually im able to either let him go or just get to know him as a friend as he wants but the sad part if he does eventually want to be something i dont think i can allow myself to fall again for him cause i cant do that. his also very secretive said i had to take a chance on him to trust him and I do and i am but the more i think of it ur u trully cared u wouldnt put me in this situation, feelings of getting use rush in and i cant help to feel that i wasent intentionally been used but i was mislead. and sucks for me but he dosent feel any remuors so his trying his best to be there and talk and stuff but the more i realize things the more i c that i dont want to be with a person like that. i wanna be able to be naturaly happy i should give up so much stuff so i can get to know him and play in his terms they are my emotions and i dont think is fair so i think im going to try to stay away that away we can remaind friends but i wont get hurt and if thats how he trully is well i dont like the fact that he has Xsite and talks and still active on those site i know thats how we meet but i delete my account why cant he i guess im not that important. sad but it is what it is. and i have to face that if he cant change i cant be with a person that is like that. so what u guys think what should or can i do
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A
female
reader, Secret Teller +, writes (12 July 2008):
 tell him your true feelings. if he loves you he will understand.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Tell him it hurts you and if he is not prepared to change or do anything about then it is time to move on. He may never change and could string you along like this for years which will prevent you from meeting someone else who will respect you and love you and no one else.
If he is really worth trying for then give him a bit of space to work out who or what he wants and if he comes back then tell him it has to be without the ex in his life, its not right that he still sleeps with him whilst seeing you x
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