A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy and we texted back and forth for a few weeks, after we decided to go on a date. We kissed and everything went well, and we continued chatting and video calling. A week passed and he didnt text me following that I reached out to him and he said work commitments had him busy.On our second date we made love and we continue on our routine chatting non stop. I asked him where is our relationship heading and his response was let's just go with the flow. I was surprised at his reqponse since we are open with each other and share alot between us. He makes sure that I am okay and pays close attention to the things I say and do. However, we made plans and coming close to the time I didnt hear from him. He messaged the next day stating that he wasn't feeling well. I told him sorry to hear that but he should have communicated that yesterday. He apologised. We chatted as per usual for about 3 weeks then one day he didn't repsond to any of my messages. I hesitant in reaching out to him. I missed him and I messaged asking how he was doing. I didnt ask why I havent heard him. We are back to chatting like normal. I don't understand what is happening and need your advice. He says he is interested, and shows interest most of the times but I don't like the fact that he is saying go with the flow and sometime he disappears for a period of time. If I have an issue he pause what he is doing to assist me and ensures that the matter is resolved, however the only public place we have been is to the beach. Am I wasting my time with this dude?
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (26 April 2022):
 I think there are a couple of red flags here OP, He is taking a while to respond, and he is going off radar for long periods of time.
He is either keeping his options open, or is just being a player and keeping you dangling telling you all the stuff that you want to hear.
I would not invest anymore time in this guy, i think he is wasting your time and i fear you will get hurt if you keep him around.
If he was in to you he would not go off radar for ages, then come back with a lame excuse. You are better than this, let this one go OP and find someone who is on the same page as you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): I highly doubt he is single or even cares about you emotionally. He is just using you whenever he feels horny. He has no use for you otherwise. No strings sex for him. That's it. You are hitching your wagon to the wrong man. You had sex WAY TOO SOON with him. That is the DEADLY MISTAKE a lot of women make. Then they get feelings for the guy when the guy just wants a hole to put it in. You try to keep contacting him, trying to push the relationship forward, trying to get more of a commitment. But you did everything backwards OP. Don't expect a guy to be committed when a woman gives up the goods so early on and chases him. They lose respect for you. They just see you as an easy lay and aren't interested in investing in a woman who fucks so easily. It is an old double standard but unfortunately, it still exists today. Sorry but that is reality. You are not living in it at all. You need to get the guy chasing you. How? By holding off ON SEX until you really know him, know who he is, what he is all about, if he is single or not. You honestly know NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAN. And you JUMPED. So whatever happens is on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): " I asked him where is our relationship heading and his response was let's just go with the flow."
"What relationship?" That's the question that popped into his head; and sirens and alarm bells went-off!!!
I guess it's safe to assume he's just not showing as much interest in getting to know you, as you're attempting to get to know him. That's what I'm getting from your post.
Well, you had sex on the second date. A lot a guys lose their enthusiasm once they've satisfied their curiosity of what it would be like to have sex with you. Generally, that's your first clue.
You're over 40, and I guess you've had enough experience with men to know how some behave after sex. They are afraid you'll see sex as an "unspoken-agreement" meant to consummate a committed-relationship. Hence, they'll slack-off to deflect such a notion. He'll stay safely out of reach. Sending a signal to you; that as far as he's concerned, it was just sex with no strings attached. Note I indicated "some guys," not all.
You've only known him a few weeks, then sex happened; based on very little knowledge of his background. It seems uncertain if he could already be committed to someone, still on the market, or if he's married? These are the things that have to be 100% confirmed before sex occurs; if you're seeking something meaningful and committed. You couldn't wait. Maybe you set the bar too low. You based it all on having some good talk, physical-attraction, and frequent messaging. Now you have to backtrack and determine if he's single for sure, and why the sudden distancing?
Sex doesn't seal the deal, it's not an unwritten contract-agreement promising a relationship, it's not a sign a person is falling in-love with you, and it's not a very reliable man-trap.
I don't place a lot of merit on texting and messaging back and forth with people. It's a convenient form of communication; but it doesn't convey their feelings, intentions, or emotions. You're merely maintaining contact; but you can do that with a co-worker, the cable guy, a neighbor, or your landlord. When people are attempting to make a love-connection leading-up to a true-romance; there has to be a perceivable emotional bond forming. Evidence of a reciprocal effort exchanged from both sides. Not one doing all the work; while the other receives, makes lame excuses, leaves long silent pauses between contacts, or drags his or her feet.
Offering some benefit of the doubt, I would take into account we are recovering from an unpredictable pandemic. Which keeps us guessing "if or when" there may be a surge, and how laxed are the safety precautions taken by the other person? Well, that all got thrown aside in order for sex to happen; which I highly doubt you were wearing masks at the time. Well, not of the medical-variety anyway!
Follow your gut. If you just don't sense enthusiasm aside from sex; then he's probably got as much as he ever wanted out of connecting with you. He has not committed to a relationship, in any case. It is possible that he's just buying time; until you grow frustrated enough to throw-up your hands, cuss him out, and let him off the hook.
"Am I wasting my time with this dude?"
Judging from your post. Probably!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): If you want more than a "go with the flora " kind of thing, then yes, you are majorly wasting your time. What's happening is that he is doing precisely what he said he was going to do, i.e. going with the flow, i.e. eschewing any type of committment or dloser relationship other then hanging out with you according to *his* moods and schedule once in a while. He is interested but not terribly so, as you may have surmised, so he is doing "casual " while apparently you'd like something different.I don't think you'll get that something from this guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): Maybe he is in a relationship already but not being honest about it. It's clear he does not want to get serious about you, or make you a priority, he only bothers when you throw yourself at him so why bother? Lots of guys would jump into bed with a good looking woman who throws herself at them, but giving a guy sex does not mean he has to fall in love with you, contact you quicker, see you more, you cannot buy all that by giving them some sex. He sees you as an easy lay and loses respect for you then, to him you are just a release and a bit of fun. And you are the one who painted that scenario not him.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 April 2022):
 Are you sure he is single?
And secondly, I think if he was really interested he would make more of an effort. He didn't have to try hard to get you in bet either. So, you know he is a low-effort kinda guy.
Every time he went quiet YOU reached out.
He didn't even BOTHER canceling the 3rd date, he just called the next day with some bogus excuse.
While I get his "go with the flow" notion, as you CAN NOT know after some weeks of texting and 2 whole dates to decide if you see partner potential in the other person.
I think I would wish him well, block him and move on.
And next time? I'd save the sex for when you have had a fair amount of dates and you BOTH want to pursue a relationship.
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female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (24 April 2022):
 He seems to be just keeping his options open, I think you should be doing the same. Stop wasting time chasing him around. If you want something serious, something with a goal 10 find someone who wants the same things as you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2022): Please please do not have sex again with this dude . If you meet up make it public place . No going back to his .. to yours .. you are giving him privileges he does not deserve or has even worked for .
You are his back up girl . He is busy alright and it isn't waiting on you to text . Let this one slide . Be rest assured Prince charming is waiting for you . Its just you have to kiss a few frogs to find him
But don't sleep with them until you know the dynamics of the relationship . My advice no ring they don't get a thing . Other than kissing .. thats it ..
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