A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I are in somewhat of a LDR as we only see each other on weekends. We've been doing this for 2 years. He recently relocated to another area for school but he's still as far away as before, just in another direction. Last week he told me he wouldn't be able to call me because he's going out for drinks with an old female friend who lives in the same town. I know that he picked her up and they went out. I guess she was a friend from the past, as it was the first time I had heard of her. A couple days later, he was talking about her and their night out and in the conversation I asked if he and her had hooked up before (my bf was very popular in hs and made several comments that implied he was very popular with girls). He said no but later on he said that for me to ask this question was fucked up. I don't see why. I guess I'm too curious. I told him that it crossed my mind and that's why I asked. What's wrong with that? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2013):
 As long as you were prepared to hear the truth and not hold it against him or punish him for his past, it's a perfectly fine question to ask.
I agree with llifton that his reaction leads me to believe he's hiding something.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I think it depends on how you asked. You can say the exact same words but if your tone is light hearted and casual or even joking it comes off very different than if the tone is accusing or interrogating or demanding.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): There is a simple rule of thumb for this if people were trying to be fair about it.
You get to have sexual secrets in your past. And you get to have opposite-sex friends in the present. But you don't get to keep sexual secrets about present-day friends.
If your BF was still spending time with this girl then he was secretly spending time with a past hookup without telling you. In any other situation we would call that wrong so its wrong this time too.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
 That's not a bad question at all, as you're just feeling out the situation. That's normal. Your boyfriend sounds like he has something to hide. Otherwise, why get so mad and defensive?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I don't blame you for being curious, but sometimes you need to ask yourself "Do I really want to know the answer to this question?"
What good would it do for you to know this information?
I don't agree with him about it being f-ed up about asking. If you are together, there should basically be full disclosure and personally, I'd rather him just stick with his yes or no answer. Getting defensive about it just reeks of guilt in my opinion.
If you can't live with the answer, don't ask. However, you may want to evaluate your relationship if you are with someone you feel you can't trust.
...............................
|
