A
female
age
36-40,
*enL
writes:So i have known this guy through my sister because he was her professor and he is also our club advisor. I am pretty sure that he likes my sister, but i'm not sure whether he has feeling for me or not because sometimes his behaviors are confusing ( and we always flirt). For example, this week our club went to spring break trip and the 3 of us drank in his room. Technically, a male faculty shouldn't be in a room with female student i guess, not to mention drinking. But like how he always has spoiled us, he let us sneak in the liquor and even drank with us. At certain point when both of us were quite drunk and my sister not around, he took my hand and start to caress it and i responded. He just playfully ran his finger through my hair, neck, earlobe, and maybe lips, but nothing beyond that. Though I was tempted to kiss him, but i didn't dare to because i have no sexual experience and and i was afraid that if i didn't do it properly, i would've made a fool of myself. Then yesterday in the bus, he was siting behind me and we were sort of fooling around again. Maybe it was wrong for me to took his hand and caress it(and bite it) when he started to caress me again like he did in the hotel, but i honestly could sense the lust there, or sexual tension, whatever you called it.Soon our ten fingers met and i couldn't help but slightly brush my lips on it,bit it and sorta suck on it when he put his thumb into my mouth. I swear I wouldn't have took his hand and "re-direct" it (as what he called that) if he didn't slid his hand in and ran through my neck and shoulder, but he did and it seemed encouraging to me. when he eventually moved his hand to my waist and started to search upward, I forgot my shame and sorta led it to my breast. Though with a seat between us and lots of clothing on, he could barely nipple me, I have to admit that i still felt the pleasure.I feel awful though because I must had been really clumsy since I have never done anything like that before and all I know I learned them through tv. I'm also always well-aware of my small breasts and feel inferior about it. I am afraid that i had disappointed him.I can't help but hate my tummy too because i think most men prefer skinny girls.....Anyway, after i got home and we all were wet from the rain, I text him saying something like " darn it! I'm all wet! don't like how this vacation end too soon", He replied saying " i can't believe that u r still wet ;) ". So I told him I didn't mean that but from the rain, though i admitted that i did have another thought. He asked me what it was but i said it'll be a very bad idea to tell him. he insist it won't and that I should really tell him about it, but he apologize and said he won't pressure me to tell if i don't want to. I said that there was no need to be sorry and he can't be blamed because I had wanted him so badly at that moment, my bad~ Then he was like" only at THAT moment? :( I would have thought that the WANTING would last a bit longer. and it's not your bad, we think we both wanted the same thing". And then we went on and on with this conversation (the worst would be to call it sexting lol). He said that he was very focus on the ride home, but i didn't know that he meant the thing that we did in the bus at first :P he admitted that he was shocked when I took his hand and redirect it, even though that was exactly what he was hoping. I confessed that I wanted to kiss him that night in the hotel, and he told me that he had wanted me to stay but hesitate to ask because he wasn't sure how i would've react. I was surprised when he asked me my experience and what i like and dislike, given that I never had sex with someone before, but obviously he didn't expect that i am a virgin. Was I acting like a slut so that's why he had that kind of interpretation?Should I not have make the move at the very first beginning? from your perspective, does it look like I am the one that seduce him or was it mutual, or did he started it first? I want him and won't regret to have sex with him. but there is also something else that worried me. It is 100% true that i didn't slept with anyone else, but when i was little, maybe 5 years old, my cousin use to took me to his room for things. The memory is really vague now but i remember he would sort of touch me and masturbate in front of me. Could there be a chance that he had fingered me? or would I be too small and tight so that couldn't have happened? I am worried to death of this because it wasn't my fault, but what if I had lost my virginity at that time? I had never told anyone about it, but I always worried that my future partner will think that I lie about being a virgin...sorry about the long essay and thanks for helping
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breasts, cousin, drunk, flirt, lost my virginity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (21 April 2011):
JenL is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for answering my questions. in your opinion, if it turns out that I really had lost my virginity without me actually knowing it, shall i tell him about what happened during my childhood? or will he feel disgust? :(
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): Go have fun with this guy. I am sad that you had to go through that during your childhood. But dont think of it too much. Just live your heart. Never regret for your actions that you have done after you have thought about it for sometime.
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