A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi everyone,Just wondering what your thoughts are on this – I’m in a 2 year relationship with a 32 year old Muslim man from a country outside mine. I am 26 and a white Muslim convert (I don’t wear hijab but I do believe in the principles). We have always spoken about the importance of marriage to us. We love each other and would like to marry. He told his family about me at the end of last year and since then has been having full-on screaming arguments with his mother and two sisters about it. His mum is incredibly racist and refuses to meet me because I am white and his sisters are sticking by her. He tells me that he really wants to marry me, but he doesn’t want to have a wedding without his mum involved, as she is widowed and he feels that we will really need her support in our lives together. My family completely disagree with my conversion and will not be involved in the wedding nor bringing up my children as a result.We live far apart and see each other about fortnightly at the moment. Yesterday he visited me and we were sitting in the local park having a nice day. His sister who I recognised from photos walked near to us. I pointed her out to him and he promptly got up and ran away!! He stayed away while she walked on. I waited for a while and then walked back towards my car, when he caught up with me. He spent the rest of the day apologizing and explaining his worries about his mum and marriage and our lives together, without family support. He told me that he wants us to get married in Aug/Sep and live together after that. He plans to stay firm and keep arguing with her about me and then insist that she meets me in May when we will set a date for the wedding and try to persuade her to be involved. I do understand his reasons for running away and for wanting his mum to be involved but I was extremely upset by the incident , quite irrational and kept crying throughout the day. Today he has left again and I feel really terrible for making him feel bad when he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and explained what is understandably a very difficult situation for him. I wish I would’ve brushed it off and been more supportive instead of being upset, crying and telling him how hurt his running away made me feel. Was I being childish and selfish? Should I mention the situation again or what should I do? I feel terrible and don’t know how to proceed with this man that I love dearly.Please help me. Many thanks in advance
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 No you are not being inpatient. At the end of the day if he is serious about marrying you and spending his life with you then he needs to start acting like it. Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and tell him you want to meet his family so that they can get to know you for the person that you are.
A
female
reader, a1sha +, writes (28 March 2011):
a1sha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShould I tell him that I'm totally fed up of this situation and that I need to meet his mum as soon as possible so that we can move on together or apart... or shall I wait? Am I being impatient?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 March 2011):
No you shouldnt feel bad for being upset. Off course it was going to hurt you him running of like that, even though you are aware of the situation he is in with his family, he still shouldnt have ran away, especially since he keeps telling you he is going to marry you no matter what.
You dont need to apologise to him, as you done nothing wrong. Am sure it is a horrible situation for the both of you to be in, and i am so sorry that your families are not supportive of you. But I guess at the end of the day it is both of your lives and you have a choice to make on what you want. Best of luck with the wedding and i hope it all works out. I think the best thing you can do is just not mention to him again about that day. Goodluck.
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