A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 34 have been married for 10 years with 2 young children. My marriage has always had problems especially violence on occasions, husband committed more to work than family and husbands porn addiction, lots of lying for the majority of our marriage. He has no friends - just work.I am not sure if I still love him although we have worked through a lot together. The violence is the main problem at the moment. Recently I wanted to leave him after a violent episode which left me covered in bruises but am giving him yet another chance mainly because of the children. To make things more complicated I am falling for another guy who I am not sure feels the same about me and I dont know whether to say something or leave it and wait.Im really feeling like I want to move on but staying for the childrens sake. Will this feeling pass? Is it a 10 year itch? midlife crisis? What to do??
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 September 2010):
This is your head telling you to run away, now. Your children will be aware of the violence, and they will either end up severely mentally scared to the point where they become abusers themselves in the future, or they let their partners abuse them. The time has come for you to leave this man.
As for the one you fancy, forget him. As for other men right now, not a good idea. You'll just go from one abuser to another. You need get away from your marriage, and just focus on you and your kids.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 I think your heart and soul is trying to tell you something. Why have you so willingly fallen for another man? The answer is in front of you. Your current husband is abusive and disrespectful to you. He may be the biological father of your children but he is not fit to father them.
Do not give him another chance to hurt you. What about this other man? Is he good to you as a friend? You need someone who won't ever hurt you, physically or emotionally. Stay away from your current husband, get your children away from him too. The moment he raised a hand in anger towards you, he failed as a husband. Violence wounds more than just a body, it scars your mind and your soul and your being. Let a good man heal you and love you.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, nluvsostupidly  +, writes (3 September 2010):
I know it hurts to be in a violent relationship especially because its your husband but you have to figure things out with you husband before you think about the new guy. From experience I know when you are in a violent relationship all you crave is for a man to be good to you and you imagine things are there when its just that you are in a emotional state. Bottom line either figure out if you want to work on getting your marriage in order or break up , then after yall separate get therapy and worry about dating later.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Get out of there NOW!
Do you want to be a punching bag?! Do you want your childeren to be around a violent man?
My mum was married to a man who was very abusive, who we met at church. He ended up nearly killing her and mentally abused me. This is not a "10 year itch". You need to leave your husband. Do you want your childeren to grow up thinking this is normal? This isnt a marriage, its an abusive relationship.
If you value the lives of yourself and your childeren you need to leave him behind. If you cant think of a way to leave or are worried about him being violent, you can go to the police and they will protect you.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation, I can imagine how hard it is. I hope you make the right decision for you and your childeren.
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