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male
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*junior
writes:Hi I've met two lovely ladies on a dating site at the same time and have a date with both one friday the other saturday, the problem is i'm very honest and don't like cheating as that is what my wife did to me. What do I do if I like both and they both like me Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): First of all, dear---realize that dating is a selection process. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating two women, to see which one best matches up to what you want. Everyone should do this. This is just a date to meet and get to know each other. Just one very important fact: No sex! I strongly encourage abstinence because if you are dating to find a suitable person for 'you'. A sad fact of nature is that sexual intimacy creates emotional intimacy: even if the parties to the relationship say "it’s just for fun." In reality, it isn’t. Each romantic relationship takes something from a person’s heart, and each relationship broken, leaves a scar. So I suggest you enjoy the company of interested women, but always stay real and honest. Understand any type of healthy relationship, including friendships, are based on trust, respect and caring not to cause pain to others. Being able to identify and be in healthy dating relationships is a very important skill for all of us to learn, no matter the age. And if both of them like you..well, you can't have them both. One will have to go. You will know which one of these two ladies appeals to you the most and choose accordingly. Just be honest and truthful with both of them. Good luck and I hope you find the one true love you are seeking.
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (13 April 2007):
 I think your worrying about this too much! Hun, sit back relax and go with the flow. If you worry about this too much it could make both your dates go wrong as your worrying!
Chill out see what happens and then worry about it later if you need to. At least have the dates first and see where this goes. The more you worry, the more you will be edgy on your date!
Take a deep breath, concentrate on the girl your with and what will be will be.
The key is to be yourself and stop stressing or you might end up blowing them both off without realising.
Have faith in yourself that your intentions are 100 per cent honourable and above all else be yourself and have fun.
Im sure it will all work out fine, stop stressing or it might show!
Take care and I hope things work out well for you!
x
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reader, jjunior +, writes (13 April 2007):
jjunior is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, I have taken your words into account and understand that it's only dating at the moment, but after talking to them both for a long time on the phone would find it hard if they both liked me to dump one of them. And at the same time would find it hard to tell them about each other for fear of losing both of them. Maybe my self esteem is quite low and and having the woman who I loved for sixteen years cheat on me didn't help, so would hate to be a cheater myself I remeber what I went throgh. Just to let you know I'm well over her now.
Once again thanks.
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 If it comes down to liking them both to the point of wanting a regular girlfriend, you will PROBABLY have to make a choice between them. That can be tough. But as long as you are just dating, with no thought of commitment, and both of them are aware that you are dating other women and are OK with that, you shouldn't think of it as "cheating". It's only cheating if you are not open with your partner or if you break a promise that you've made to her.
That can be a pretty wide open situation. One man I know, for example, is actually having sex with two women now. One he's had for two years. His first woman told him when they started that the two of them would never be married and were not really right for one another in the long run, but that they got along well enough and she liked him well enough to sleep with him from time to time.
He recently met this second woman that he really likes and she likes him. They started having sex about a month ago, after he told her all about the first woman. He also told her that any time she thought that the two of them were ready for an exclusive relationship, she should let him know and he would drop the first woman and just be with her. So far, she hasn't done that.
I don't really recommend this kind of an arrangement. My point, though, is that this guy is NOT cheating on either of these women. Both of them know about the other, and he has told both of them that any time they are not OK with him having a physical relationship with the other one and just want him all to themselves (and vice versa) he will stop it and just be with them.
It's only "cheating" if you don't tell a partner something they have a right to know or if you break your word to a partner. As long as everybody involved says "OK", it's none of anybody else's business.
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reader, Dagwood  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 Posionkiss has it right on the button. Dating is getting to know someone and not a commitment. I'm going through the process at the moment as I met a bunch of ladies at a Speed dating session. Just be honest and tell them you’re dating other girls to find your ideal match. They're probably doing the same. If you meet the right lady and the feelings are mutual then commit to one of them and take it further. Good luck and have fun.
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female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (13 April 2007):
 a date is not a comitment, when you go on a date you are wanting to get to know the person in more detail, as in where she likes to go, if she likes to go out for fun and it gives you a great opportunity to talk and find things out about one another. what im trying to say is that when a person goes on a date it doesnt generally mean there a couple, so you meeting two women shows that you want a relationship and your going to find that special someone. people do it all the time, and i can bet you that these two women have gone out more than once with different men or else they wouldnt be on a dating site. dont worry, just relax and have fun. one of these women may turn out to be the most boring person you have ever met but the other the most fun and out going ever. dont leave your options down to one person when there are hundreds out there.
hope this helps x
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