A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/to-me-it-seems-i-am-being-selfish.htmlI was glad to take CindyCare's advice, until my friend emailed me two days ago with a bizarre one sentence email about watching a tv show we used to talk about. That's all it said. Why would she send me that now? It had been six months to the day since we last saw each other and 2 or 3 months since we communicated. Should I reply?Thanks!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 I stand by my advice and I agree with OhGetReal : it's a bait.
I don't know why she sent it. Maybe she really has a personality disorder, maybe it's an ego thing ( she likes to know she is being missed ). Maybe it was a rainy day and she was feeling wistful and nostalgic.
Anyway- it's a bait- to get your attention, make you wonder, make you answer " Yes I too was thinking about you- I missed you ".
A word of caution : why ask why ? Whatever her reasons are, if you have decided that between you it cannot work, and you are better off without her- it does not matter why. What matters is that you focus your energy on yourself and on forming healthy happy relationships.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 This girl is baiting you. If she has abandonment issues and she self professes this, stay away.
You don't go into any detail as to why this is a woman who you want to get away from or that you are better off without, but if you logically know this, then that is pretty telling.
It takes a professional to diagnose someone with a personality disorder, but your question is alluding to a woman who may have some pretty strong traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.
They are intense, have a history of intense short lived relationships, they have abandonment issues---this is the core element of their personality disorder.
People who have abandonment issues or Borderline Personality Disorder or strong traits of this personality disorder can never let a relationship alone, duh, they have abandonment issues.
They have black and white thinking. You are either idealized, idolized or you are treated like the enemy, they cannot conceptualize you as a whole person who has both faults and positive qualities. They are very immature on an emotional level. They cannot change or grow. Their romantic relationships follow a predictable pattern, much like a physical illness, say cancer for instance there is a beginning middle and end stage to a relationship. Being around someone who is this disordered will create cognitive dissonance in you, which is why you cling to the ping ponging thing of is she good or is she bad, does she want me or is she going to hurt me again?
She sounds like bad news dude. One bizarre email does not a relationship make. She is shallow, she is looking for attachment and dependency, where you are looking for a real connection, a bond and love, none of which she can give you. More pain, yeah, she can give you that.
Anytime anyone tells you they have abandonment issues, run. You can't fix her...she can't even fix her.
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