A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking with a guy for a few weeks now. Having never been in a real relationship before I am unaware of the “typical dating timeline.” So far we have made out and done a bit clothes-on fondling, but nothing else. I really want him to take me seriously, but I also know that at this age he expects more physical things and the spark is definitely there. I just never met anyone before that I wanted to have sex with, its not a religious thing or that I’m frightened. At this point, I just need to know when in a relationship it is normal to start taking my top off, oral sex, and so on. I would appreciate your thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): There are no dating rules, so what ever works for you. But I will tell you this and you may not want to hear it, but guys can act like they love you, stare into your eyes, call you all of the time and make out with you and you will give them more physically just because you think he is really into you.
Here is a word of caution, guys that are serious about a girl and having a relationship with her, will be happy to be in your company without sex. Of course you want to be sexy and romantic and kiss and fondle and all of that, but that is where it would be best to stop for awhile, as long as possible actually, even several months until you have a strong "foundation" a strong frienship built up and you have gotten to know if this guy is appropriate for you.
Once you have sex, you will bond with him and all logic and reason will go out the window for both of you.....if he doesn't share your values or common goals or even want a relationship, you will end up getting hurt and feeling used, when really you had a chance to be in control of the pace of the relationship.....take your time getting to know this guy. Guys love a challenge, make him work to be in your life, make him earn your trust and make him show his love for you before you give him your most precious gift.
He will trust you more if you wait even if he protests, he will love you more and be more strongly bonded with you if you allow the relationship to take first priority, not the sex.
Sounds old fashioned? Well men are men and they never change.....if you are easy, he will think how many other men have been on top of you recently and he will lose respect and interest in you for anything more than the sex.
It depends really on what you are looking for. A sexual fling or a boyfriend. Make him ask you for a relationship and exclusive boyfriend girlfried relationship before you have oral sex or intercourse, both are considered sex.....otherwise you have nothing but a sexual relationship and you can't assume that you are exclusive...because until he asks you, you aren't....and it has to be him who leads this talk and brings it up first or you run the risk of sending him running.
Hope this helps.....you might want to read a fun book called, Why Men Love Bitches.....it sounds mean, but it is really about holding yourself in high esteem and not taking any of the typical male games that dating tends to bring up......it is a helpful way to navigate dating....also great books are the Mars and Venus books.....none of these will help you get a relationship, they aren't rule books, but they help you understand men and women and dating and falling in love and all that stuff....
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (31 January 2009):
It is completely up to you. Its when you feel the time is right and the feeling comes natural. Dont force anything just go with the flow.
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A
female
reader, xSpacexDementiax  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Hello :-)There is no dating 'timeline' as such. It really all just depends on the two of you and when it feels right and natural to move on to doing more.For me personally, I always feel that I should have been with the boy for around a month or two before I sleep with him. I think if you want to feel respected by him this is about the right amount of time to wait. However, you might be different, you may want more or less time, as I say there's really no right or wrong amount of time to wait!take care
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