A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Two weeks ago I lost my dad to a massive heart attack. He was still young and I don't know what to do. There's such an empty silence in my life and in our house. He was always here because he was retired due to ill health. I miss him so much. I come home exspecting him to be here and it hurts to find that he isn't. I know everyone has to lose their parents in some way, but I feel like the world has ended. I can't see a future now and don't see any point in anything. I thought he was going to pull through and was sleeping at the hospital. He died shortly after they told us he was not going to pull through. I am grateful that I was there with him though. I don't have a perticular question, I just wonderd if anyone could shed any light on this and if anyone else is feeling it right now to. I guess I just want to know what I am going to do. I don't feel like I will ever get over this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, likefarrahfawcett  +, writes (29 January 2010):
I lost my dad a year ago today to a massive heart attack. My dad was 56 and I was 21 at the time. I haven't really talked about this, but I guess its good to talk about it. Today, I was just searching with someone I could relate to with a similar story when this popped up on my screen.
My dad and I had our fair share of father/daughter problems. We had just put aside a riff between us the night before, but the uneasiness was still there. The next morning I got up as usual for class and thought twice about going into my dads room to say goodbye to him. I went to school and came back in the afternoon to an empty house as my dad most likely was at work. I then decided to take a quick nap before I had to leave for work at 3. I was woken up to my cell phone ringing in my ear from my grandparents. I immediately ignored it, cursing them for ruining my limited sleep. I then went to work and then was on my way home around 7. This was the time where I would call my dad to tell him I was on my way home. His friend answered frantically asking for the address, as my dad was slumped on the floor and wasn't breathing. I called 911 speeding home. I got there as the ambulance was carrying him out on the gurney. The paramedics said his case was very severe but he was still alive. I didn't know what to do. My dads friend offered me a ride to the ER.
I believed what the paramedics said whole heartedly. I was fine in the waiting room. By this time I was filling out forms and my aunt and cousin arrived. I thought that everything was going to be okay. My aunt felt differently. I told her he was going to be okay. When they took us to the back waiting room. I thought the doctors were going to say that everything worked out fine he will just be on bed rest for awhile and we could see him in a bit.
The doctor said that even though they tired everything they could, he had passed. I immediately said "you're joking!" They then said I could see the remains if I wanted.
He looked like he was just sleeping... minus the tube from his mouth. I didn't believe it. But he was so cold.
I have this immense amount of guilt that weighs on my shoulders. I did not see nor speak to him at all that day and I never again will.
So as I send this off into cyberspace, I don't know if theres a moral to the story. But, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I would give anything in the world to have him hug me just one more time.
A
male
reader, dannyboy1212 +, writes (22 September 2008):
to start off, so sorry to hear about your loss. 7 weeks ago my father died from a massive heart attack, and i am right in the midst of the feelings you described - no point to life, cant see where im going, desperate for him to just come home. i feel like you are in much the same situation and im still totally fucked up but i can offer some advice on what helps me SOME of the time... i understand your emotions are still all over the place and you probably feel quite angry and volatile but try these... (1) just think about how glad you are to have had the time with your father. im sure you know deep down that you would not have wanted anyone else and cherish everything you can remember about his love. (2) i know it sucks to talk sometimes because you feel to upset but try to talk about him as often as possible. keep those memories alive. (3) remember what you are going through. so often my heart aches with the longing to feel normal, to be able to be out and enjoy myself without thinking about my shitty life. truth is, it aint gonna happen for a while. your father has just died, you are experiencing a pain no one of any age has the knowledge to deal with, let alone someone as young as you. im 17, so believe me i know you just want the rest of your life to be normal and to have your father around like everyone else. it sucks big time. no worse feeling that i could imagine. and it doesnt seem like to much to ask really does it? but thats life. (4) you WILL be stronger. its gonna take years, but you will. at this point i feel weaker and weaker every day, but at some point you will be able to talk about his death with strangers and be proud of the father you had. once again so sorry about your loss, would be nice if you could send me an email as i need to identify with people going through the same thing. my email is [email blocked] good luck xxxxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): So sorry to hear about your loss, I was just told my Aunt past away earlier today. My grandmother died when I was 10 but when my grandfather died 10 yrs later my mom was a wreck. She told me the first 2 yrs after his death she was
very depressed, kinda like in a daze. yeah she felt like nothing mattered, no point to anything. But like all things (AND THIS SOUNDS CHEEZY) but with time her life was able to go on. She says after the 2 yrs it was easier but she was still not totally herself. IT WILL TAKE A LONG TIME. No other way around it. I will add you in my prayers tonight and ask God to give you the strength to deal with this though I am sure he is already there for you. I have both my parents (though almost lost my dad last year to a massive heart attack) I dread the thought of losing them though I know its inevitable (SCARES ME SO MUCH) If your depression gets too bad maybe you should consider an anti-depression medication. I know we NEED to grieve cause its part of the healing process but if you feel like your depression is way out of control you might maybe consider anti-depression medication and have your doctor prescribe something. Again, my heart goes out to you and your family
I pray that God will give you the strength to deal with the great sadness and emtiness you feel. God bless you.
-John
Orange County, CA
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): i feeling what you are going through my dad has just died, he was healthy and on 6th july he was told he had liver and lung cancer and told he had around 5 months left 3 and ahalf weeks later he went to heaven, i just cant my head around it still feel numb like you i still think every time i go to mums he is still there in the frontroom but he is not, my own family have been great supporting but i think its time to get some counciling of my own to see if it lightens the burden
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Awh, that is such a terrible thing to go through when you are so young. Nobody can really understand the pain unless they are going through it themselves.
You are being very strong though, being able to write about how you feel on this site and saying that you know everybody must lose their parents eventually.
But no matter what anybody says, not much will help. Mourning is a very personal thing and the best healer is time. In years you will look back and think of happy times with your dad. Talk things through with your family, they will all feel the same and mourning together is a lot easier than mourning on your own.
Try visiting www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Just be strong and although it doesn't seem it now, things will get better.
XxXxX
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): It's total cliche, but it's early days...My grandad died whilst I was holding his hand. I had so much guilt because I couldn't contact my mum in time and she and her sister arrived at the hospital too late. I had bereavement counselling for months and was off work through depression. I actually came to terms with his death on Armistice Day nearly two years down the line (my grandad was very proud that he fought for his country and it brought it all home). I guess the way forward for me was getting over the guilt more than the death itself. I'm glad that he wasn't on his own at the end. I know it feels shitty right now and will do for a while - but give yourself some 'me' time and if you can, talk about it. Counselling is not for everyone but maybe give it a go...
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reader, tracyann +, writes (30 August 2007):
HiI also lost my dad recently to cancer.. i miss him very much , It is a great loss and it hurts but you will get through it. Just remember wherever they are now we will be there too one day.. and we will see them again . but if they suffered , they are not now.. they are probably more content than us .We are hurting more than them, I never believed in life after daeth ti'll my dad dies but he showed me a sign . and now i do believe , there is something there .. take care and remember the good times
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 August 2007):
 This is one of life's most difficult events. You will feel the pain for awhile but in time just the fondest of memories will linger for you and they will give you comfort. Your Dad lives on through you now. I'm sure you will make him proud. Best wishes, sweetheart.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I really understand about losing a loved one suddenly. It has happened to me too. The process of getting through this is totally unique to you. Yes there are the theories of grief stages but my greiving process was different as yours may be too. I know you are feeling alot of pain right now but honestly thats a good thing. I shoved my pain aside for a while because I had to be strong for my daughter and deal with the final details. I was also numb, I couldnt feel anything. It took a while to really get through my greiving process. If I could have controlled it I would have taken that time too just let the pain happen and take it head on as you are. Try not to stuff your feelings, you will be more emotionally healthy in the end.
I dont know about the UK but here in the states we have Hospice which has a wonderful greif therapy program. I would suspect that you have somthing similar there. I cant say enough about that therapy. I still maintain contact with the counselors there and I have my daughter go once in a while just to keep her on track emotionally.
Its been 4 years for me and I am past the sadness but that doesnt mean the greif process is over. That wont ever end. Ultimately Im a better person because I have gone through so much. You WILL get through this too, it WILL take time, and you WILL be happy again. Be good to yourself and your family my dear. Best wishes
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 You will never get over the magnitude that comes from losing one's parent, but you will learn to deal with your grief, and go on with your life, it just takes time. Alot of time. My mother passed away unexpectedly when I was 19 years old and she was still quite young as well. It was a total shock to everyone, especially me and to this day, I miss her tremendously. I do feel she is with me in spirit at times, but I miss hearing her laugh, and being able to share things with her. Certain holidays, certain movies, certain memories still bring tears to my eyes and she's been gone now for 20 years. You got the chance to be with your Dad before he died and that should bring you some sense of closure and peace. I will never understand why God takes some people from us, but all I can say, is that your Dad's time was done. As you grow older, it would be wise for you to learn how to prevent yourself from inheriting the same health problem your father had. It could be that he had high cholesterol that clogged up his arteries and caused the attack. It could be that his heart had a defect, and had it been diagnosed earlier, might have been prevented. When my mother passed away, I began to think about my own health and started taking steps to prevent my fate from being the same. I sort of felt like it was my responsibility not to make the same mistakes if they were at all preventable. But just know this -- your father is in a wonderful, peaceful place and even though he loved you very much, he would not come back now, even if he had the chance. That is sometimes hard for us to imagine, but that's how heaven is suppose to be. Better than anything we have here on earth. Take things one day at a time, allow yourself to cry as much as you need to, talk to people that can help you deal with your grief, you may even want to go to grief counseling. And remember, your Dad would want you to go on with your life, and he will be watching you every step of the way. xoxo
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reader, 88jane +, writes (30 August 2007):
 i am so sorry to hear about your loss honey!! losing anyone is such a struggle but you seem as though you were close to you dad so this is going to be hell!! you are grieving, remember it is ok to cry!! the pain is still so fresh in your life and i promise you that it will get easier with time! remember the good times, talk about him with your friends and family and remember what a good man he was and try to be greatful that you had a wonderful father!!
things will be very different as your dad was a big part of your life..you just need time to adjust! there will be different times in your life when the pain comes back even after you have grieved-family occasions, holidays etc. this is natural! cry if you need to!
remember that your dad would want you to carry on living your life and he wants to see you succeed and have a happy life....he will always be in your heart and thoughts...but after time things will begin to get easier!
i promise promise promise that things will get easier!! mail me if you want to chat further! take care xxxxx
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