A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a terrible situation. Ive been married 30 years, 3 kids. The marriage was not good, as my wife has a medical condition that causes severe anger. I was tempted to go many times, but could not leave my kids to her (un)tender mercies. I never had an affair or one-night stand in 30 years. I was tempted, but always thought the involvement was too complicated, and avoided it. I stayed for the kids, and they are all well-adjusted decent people. My marriage has gradually changed to a sort of 'truce' as the kids are now too old for her to emotionally blackmail them any more. So, I was just waiting to keel over and die some day, job done -kids raised. Six years I met a woman socially, and we had so much in common, it was like being reborn. We were like mirror images and after 4 years as part of a social group, we realised our feelings were very deep indeed. We started a relationship, and it has gone on for two years. I love her dearly and want to be with her, as she does me. I told my kids about the relationship recently. I didnt tell my wife, because she 'knows without knowing' as I spend nights away without explanation, and she probably hopes it will all go away. I actually dont want to tell her, as she is in denial about the past, and may, due to her illness, actually have forgotten it all. My new lady is very unhappy about things, and wont tell her family about us until I do more about my family. She wants me to tell my children that shes my partner now and they should recognise that and invite her and me to any family events they organise. I think its too early for my children to make that change, especially as they know I havent told my wife everything. My lady is going to end our relationship if I dont solve this. Shes a proud woman and doesnt want to be seen as merely 'the other woman'. Im in real trouble whatever i do. If I tell my wife, she will be devastated, as the rows in the house have stopped and i dont even know if she remembers them. This has put a big strain on my relationship with my new lady and we fight over nothing. I need some advice.Please.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (29 April 2008):
 "She wants me to tell my children that shes my partner now and they should recognise that and invite her and me to any family events they organise."To be honest. that worries me. alot. in the only way to describe it is like in a normal bates voice that says " I'm you're new mother now Eehheehhehe"Personally i don;t feel she has the right to be asking that. IF the children like her and get along with her and she isn't going to be one of these crazy psycho bitches who mistreats the children.. ( i know i know she's amazing and lovely blah blah blah ) but that sounds way too demanding of her.Now in closing.Enough of the sneeking around. enough of the lying ( yes not telling someone the truth or even if you don't say anything at all is still lying ) after 3 children, and 30 years of marriage i think you oue your wife the truth.
A
female
reader, PreciousNY  +, writes (29 April 2008):
I really don't see why you are staying with your wife, this is only going to cause more hurt and pain for everyone. Your marriage is obviously over and has been for a while, so why stay? In my opinion, you should have left before you started cheating. Your wife is going to be devastated whether you tell her now or later, but I'm sure it is going to happen at some point. You are obviously in love with someone else, so I say be fair and true to yourself and your family and leave your wife.
...............................
|
