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male
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*sc9
writes: Im 26 and for over a year was seeing a 40 yr old, who was seperated from her husband. They have a 10 yr old boy. She had been in a rotten marriage and we got on really well. However deep down i felt that in the long run the age gap was too big (she agreed), so we just lived for the moment. I then met someone my own age through work. I explained to her about the older woman and also explained to the to the older woman that our relationship had to stop and why. Me and the older woman already had some tickets for a couple of gigs, so i said to her that i would still keep to my commitments and we would go. However this caused huge arguements with my girlfriend as she accused me of putting my ex before her. Me and the older woman agreed we would still be friends. As the months went on me and my girlfriend kept having rows about the older woman. Whilst she was just a friend I don't think my girlfriend got over me keeping those couple of initial commitments with my ex. I ended my relationship with my girlfiend after 6 months as couldn't take the rows anymore. 4 months have since passed. I am still currently single. I get on so well with the older woman, but know due to the age gap it can never be. My ex (the girl my age) and me start to get on really well and almost get back together, then she brings up the older woman. I still love her and want to be with her, but don't want to lose the older woman out of my life as we are such great friends. Am i trying to have my cake and eat it? Should i just put my ex first and tell the older woman to get out of my life (which would break my heart)? My heart says the older woman and me should be together because we get on so well, etc. However my head says, because i want to get married, have kids, etc one day, that i should be with the girl my age.Me and the older woman never row, whereas me and the younger girl do. However it is mainly because she is insecure. If the older woman wasnt there, would the rows stop, or would it be about something else? I don't want to hurt anyone, and i don't treat people badly. I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I am just so stuck in this situation and don't know the way out!Please can someone help me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Helen Help! :)  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Hey Huni U definatly have alot running through your mind right now you should always follow your heart. I think you should definatly be with someone around you age if having a family later on in life is what you really want, i also do not see a reason why you and the older women cannot be friends i understand why the women your age would be feeling the way she does but if your going to be with her then you should re-assure her that shes the one you want and its her you love. you could even get her to join you and this older women when you go out so she can see how things are they might even become friends. but you definatly have to let the women your age know that the older women is apart of your life and that you want to be friends with her and well if she just cant accept that then maybe you should find someone who can.Good luck let me know how things work out Helen x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006): Boy, you certainly are in a quandry aren't you. NATURALLY your younger girlfriend would be jealous if you wanted to keep a friendship with the older woman - if the tables were turned, wouldn't you be jealous? If this is the ONLY thing standing in the way of a perfect relationship with your present girlfriend, I would explain this to the older woman and break contact with her. Older women are much more understanding in matters like this. If you continue seeing the older woman, the relationship with the younger woman will never work.
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