A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a major problem i've been in love with this guy for the best part of a year and a half. We were friends and were in the same class, i really thought he liked me, he used to get really nervous around me, like sometimes he couldnt talk to me and he stared at me a lot, other people thought he liked me as well. However things were made awkward as there were people in the group that didnt like us being friends, my mate eventually spoke to him and kind of asked him and he said he didnt have feelings for me, but he continued to act the same way. This went on throughout college even though he wanted another girl who was all over him at one point. Hes not awesomely confident but if someone pay him the attention then he will go for it if someone gives him the confidence, i also regret being shy with him and i will forever more..His mate also added me, wanting to get to know me and wanting us 3 to meet up, i became a bit suspicous as the first thing she said to me was if there was anyone i liked and yet she doesnt even know me. She then later admitted to someone(and ive seen the proof)that she was trying to get us together. Why would she do that if she didnt know me? shes also admitted it was this guy that first told he about me however se wont say no more than that.We have since left and im in the biggest mess of my life. I literally cant live without him, i know you'll say im stupid and i ust need to get over him but please understand i've tried, its not like i want to continue to feel this way. I tried to cut contact with him and that didnt help. I want to be close friends with him still because honestly hes changed my life. I used to be so shy and quiet and i hated myself for what i'd become but tbh ive more or less become a female version of him. This is why its so hard because everything i do its like its him...and i dont want to change who i am because ive got great mates because of who i am now. He may be getting with this girl which is absolutely recking me but im no where near certain of any of that its just what ive heard. I was gona ask him about her jokingly but i dont know if its a good idea but surely mates can talk about that sort of stuff right?He is kinda different with me though hes always said im a great mate to him and stuff but yet if we talk online i have to do the talking, i have to say hi first, he doesnt talk to alot of people online but still a hi would be nice, he will meet people alone...yet when i suggest meeting he invites people unless he knows theres people coming(i may be seeing him alone tonight for a while though), according to what my mate says we;re also very shy and nervous with each other, although i never realised that recently.Thing is a part of me wants to keep quiet and remain friends and try n develop this friendship further as we've come so far and we get on so much better but if we do ill feel like this forever, not being able to live without him, its been just over a week since ive propely spoken to him and im going insane. if we remain friends and he gets with this girl although i know he will get a gf one day its gonna kill me...more than it is now and trust me i cant go on much longer.However i just wanna tell him how much i love him, i probably know the answer but hes never really heard it from me in person its come off other people and at the time people were also spreading a load of crap. Ive told him i like him before but thats when someones said something and ive tried to put it right. But if i do i may loose him for good...or even if we stay friends it may reck what we have now. ut trust me i feel like i need to do it, just to know either way.There doesnt seem much to loose...to other people but to me its the world. Ive tried to get over this and i cant but ive got to for my own health i literally cant live without him, i know a lot of people say that...but seriously if you could see me now you'd refer me to someone lol and possibly go and hunt him down. My life is so screwed i seriosuly cant go on and i cant seem to get over him, he is who i am hes all i think about whether its as friends or more and its mainly as friends, ive tried so many things, people say just go and get with someone else but i dont really care about having a bf, never have hes the only one ive ever wanted and i honestly cant get over him. I cant seem to have the friendship without the hurt and im gonna get that what ever i decide to do. Our friendship is reallyimportant to me but i cant deal with the pain, not just the thought of him being with someone else but the confusio over how hes acted in the past and just the fact that i cant seem to live my day to day life without having to involve him just to get me through the week! Its sad i know and im so sorry for wasting your time but i need some help here i cant go on. The only thing that woul make this better is if i was wiht him and that is not likelyto ever happen, i have accepted that but i still cant get over him. Please help what should i do for the best?
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Do you know for certain that he would never see you as more than a friend? Has this information come directly from him or is it something you've 'heard' from someone else?
I'm very concerned that you feel you 'can't go on' without him, you've mentioned this twice so it must mean a lot to you!
I think perhaps you need to talk to him, say how much you value his friendship but you've wondered if something more might be on the cards. If you're too afraid to ask him these questions (though if you're as good friends as you say you are, you shouldn't be) maybe you could write him a letter?
You say that you've told him that you like him before but 'someone said something', what exactly happened with that? Who said what? Maybe you could try being a bit flirty with him, probably one on one is best, I don't want you to get teased!
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