A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:known some lass for about 4 months now get on like a house on fire always great laughs and jokes etc always something to say never ever does the convo dry up and fallin for each othere , well till the bombshell hit me tonightnot seen her about for a few days nothing what so ever ......then msn kicks in and its her i said where you been all weekend and she said oh a friend of mine came down to see me i`ve not seen for a while "HE" is away now HE stayed sat and sun night but just left we are only friends we just chatted and stuff thats all , he is not my bf .......i went yeah sure i got to go now bye , and i logged off same response in a email from her sayin come and talk to me etc what would you all do ????????????btw she lives about 200 miles from me and suppose to be meeting up in the middle of nowhere in a few weeks time on our b/day (we have the same b/day) so do i write her off or what ???
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): If you keep up this insecure act you will drive her away. So a guy stayed at her place... Have you spoken to a girl today? If you told her that would you expect her to start accusing you of cheating? You need to grow up or lose her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionevening all
thanks all for your replies (keep them coming if u wish) :)
irish49 how did u guess our ages 38 v soon :( lol
as for an update well a few emails got sent back and forward from my mobile phone at work today and well end of the story she said u know where i am if you wana talk to me again and went on about what she said in her 1st email i`ve posted on here, saying nothing what so ever went on he is just a friend,
dep down i dont trust these so called friends, i`ve been in this situation a while back and the ex ended up in bed with him when i was at work , now u se why i dont like these so called friends once bitten twice shy
and thats about it
any more info you like to add then fel free love reading all the replies
and again thank you all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You are making this poor women suffer by ignoring her and by acting insecure and immature, you are making her feel bad, like she has done something wrong.
Keep up with the childish behaviour and she'll loose all respect for you, and, she'll be the one to "write you off" before you have the chance to do it to her.
The best thing you can do if you want your relationship to work is be a little more honest with your feelings and tell her that when you heard that another man had stayed at hers you felt insecure and worried, say you felt that way because you have feelings for her and just feel a little insecure and worried. Because that is the truth, and that is what she'll love you for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): I think you do have trust issues as DrPete says. I think you owe 'her' an apology. Let's look at the facts and use some rationale. Firstly, you don't state you are dating 'exclusively'. All you give us, is the fact, that you talk to her, you get along well and you are good friends. At least that's what I am understanding from your posting.
She was honest, forthright and open. She felt she had nothing to hide. She explained to you, they were only friends, she stated there was no intimacy involved with this fellow. (she didn't even have to tell you that) But obviously she did tell you that, because she didn't want you to get the wrong idea, but you did, anyways! She has friends, hun and you need to accept some are males. She has the right to have any friends she wants-she has the right to have friends stay over at her place. You have no say, whatsoever, in how she conducts her life. Talking to her for 4 months and being a fun friend does not entitle you to treat her like she's 'your property'. You are adult male, age 36-40, your behaviour was inappropriate and you behaved like a 16 year old jealous, pouty, teenage boy. What do you think all that is saying to her, about your maturity and character? If you want this relationship to continue and you are looking to dating her someday, I suggest you send her an e-mail and tell you, were out of line and you apologise gf for your jealous, insecure behaviours. A man your age, need not act this way, hun. Show you are better that that. And that my dear...is what she'll take note of about you. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): She had a friend over for a couple of day, she helped him out with the use of her car. She sounds very genuine and helpful, she need not of told you. So why do you have a problem with that. Just because he was under the same roof doesn't mean they slept together! think again and email her back. Go along on your bdays and have a great time. You two are not kids so stop acting like one.
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): She had a friend over for a couple of day, she helped him out with the use of her car. She sounds very genuine and helpful, she need not of told you. So why do you have a problem with that. Just because he was under the same roof doesn't mean they slept together! think again and email her back. Go along on your bdays and have a great time. You two are not kids so stop acting like one.
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw all this is the email she sent me soon as she logged off (i`ve changed the names)
bob why did u go away like that ya didnt let me explain things, the guy at was down is my friend no a b/f we have been mates for years n years he has been workin away and just came back and asked me if it was alright to come down n stay for a couple a days a says yeah nd down he came we was just talkin n stuff and he is withouta car and says sam i`ve got no car at the mo i said you use at wan if ya want till you get sorted out oot so he has borrowed it and he stayed sat sun and away the nite a dunno why ya went away deed quick he isnae a boyfriend r u in a bad mood wi me email me please or come back on n talk to me eh sam x xxxx xxx
(btw she had a spare car as she just got a new 1)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi all thanks for the replies (and keep them coming)
well i`ve had my night sleep (brit here so ahead of you in time zone)
and i was thinking what some of you wrote about her telling me about him , she could have kept it back but she did tell me about him
but to be honest i cant get my head around it that you can be friendly with another lad at the same time, i have it in the back of hy head that if they have a drink together and something might happen that they just keep a secret if you know what i mean
upto now , i`m going to stay away from her and let her do the talking some of you might think i`m in the wrong by doing this but i`m the 1 thats been working my socks off working 60 hrs a week waiting for her after work and she is off with some other lad
keep the ans coming pls because it lets me see it from the outside
cheers all
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): If you would write her off for having male friends at this early stage then perhaps it is for the best if you not pursue things? She obviously has not got a problem with having male friends and you clearly have!
I don't understand what the problem is to be honest, I can see why you'd feel a little uneasy, but to react in the way you have is pretty bad, and only serves to make her feel bad. She could easily be "seeing" other men in secret if she really wanted, but I think this incident highlights how honest she is. Maybe you have a trust issue?
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 No, don't write her off. This sounds innocent to me... it sounds like he just popped by, stayed the weekend and left. If she were being dishonest she probably would have made some really sad excuses, and not even replied to your IM. And she certainly wouldn't have volunteered so much information if there were something suspicious going on. She didn't add unnecessary details, she told you simple facts, and immediately tred to contact you when you signed off. Please hear her out, I'd hate to see our relationship fail over something like this until you have all the iformation. I think you may have reacted too quickly. Give it another go.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (16 January 2007):
 She might just be telling the truth. I have visited female friends and spent the night and didn't sleep with them.
She's 200 miles away. You've known her for 4 months. You don't own her. She sounds like a fun person, so it might just be your loss if you let her go. If you like her and want to be with her, then forget about it. Otherwise, write her off.
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