A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know there isn't anything I can actually do about this but maybe someone who has gone through this can tell me what I should do.Basically I need to know how to best handle a situation where this woman flirts with my fiance right in front of my face. Every single time I have been around her and my fiance together, she flirts with him right in front of me. It bothers me because I don't understand how another woman would have the nerve to flirt with another woman's man right in front of them...I find it very disrespectful and sorry to say, trashy. She flirts with him online and over the phone as well. I end up just standing there looking like an idiot when this is going on because she can obviously tell that when she does this that it's very uncomfortable forme and that it bothers me a lot. I just hate the feeling of going through this because it happens all of the time.What Should I do about this? Is there anything I can do?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2013):
 I have to agree with Sage and Cerberus.
SHE isn't doing it to get YOU mad, but because he RESPONDS positively to it.
YOUR gripe should be with your BF, not her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): Op people flirt, lots of times it doesn't mean anything. Besides that why is your fiance not doing anything about it?
Why is it her fault? She owes you nothing, he's the one who's supposed to protect your feelings not her. So who do you think you need to talk to about this? Her? She's doing nothing wrong, your fiance is the one letting "trashy" women flirt with him.
Are you just going to be another one of these women who think any other woman who pays any attention to your man is a whore? One of those idiots that thinks their fiance isn't responsible for things like that?
It happens all the time because he likes it, if he didn't like it he wouldn't play up to it, stop blaming other women for how your fiance is acting and no "he's just being nice" is bullshit, because so are they.
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (20 April 2013):
You haven't given us the most important detail -- How does your boyfriend reach to these advances?Does he flirt back? Does he just ignore her and act like the flirting didn't happen? Does he get angry? Also, what is the NATURE of this flirting? Are we talking waitress-type "here's your soda, honey" flirting, or are we talking serious "I want to sleep with you" flirting?Your BOYFRIEND'S actions are what really make the difference here. You're right, you can't control anyone else. But your boyfriend is the one responsible for this, not you.Humans - both male AND female - definitely like having their egos stroked. It doesn't even matter if you're in a long-term, committed, satisfying and happy marriage - it can sometimes still feel good to have that flirtation come your way. That being said, however, you do deserve respect from your boyfriend, and you have every reason to make your feelings heard.I would talk to your boyfriend and let HIM know that this girl is making you very uncomfortable. Don't be confrontational or angry about it, just tell him that you care about him and your relationship and you feel uncomfortable with the idea of someone trying to meddle in it. Be specific - tell him what sorts of things she says that bother you and why, and also (if he does flirt back) why the things he says to her bother you. It may be cliche and sexist, but us guys like the facts laid out clearly and logically. :-)You shouldn't tell him that he "Can't talk to her" - because those sorts of control games almost never end happily. But you can make your feelings about her flirtation clear and then leave him to make the decision. If he flirts back and continues to do so, and if you really can't handle it, you will have to think about if the relationship is going where you want it to.I'll close by saying that I personally have a girlfriend and I have a friend who is a girl. My friend and my girlfriend are good friends. My friend "flirts" with me all the time, and her and I can have serious discussions even on topics like sex and relationships. My girlfriend is well aware of this and does not feel at all uncomfortable about it. Make absolutely sure you have a real reason to be worried, and that you're not just being a little jealous. :-)Good luck!
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A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 I have to agree with Sageoldguy1465. The real concern is not this woman...it's your fiance who lets this woman flirt with him. And to allow her to flirt with him right in front of you? Disrespectful! To talk to her online and over the phone? Cheating!I would cancel the engagement and find someone who was worth getting married to. My husband from time to time has women coming on to him even though they know he is married to me. What I usually do is give him a warning to get rid of the woman behaving inappropriately or I will do it for him. He usually handles it fine and I don't have to step in. However out of all the times women have done this he has NEVER disrespected me or talked to them behind my back. If you really want to stay with him (which I really don't think you should) then give him the option of you or her. She is not a friend if their relationship is like this and she disrespects you by flirting with him right in-front of you. He should NEVER have friends like this...these "friends" should be dropped like a rock. If he chooses her or refuses to choose please walk away. You will never be happy with him if you do. You deserve better then this!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 You write: "...She flirts with him online and over the phone as well. ..." ...(noting "online" and "over the phone"...)
What the heck kind of a "boyfriend" do you have? Your gripe ISN'T with HER.... it SHOULD BE with your "boyfriend"!!!!!!!!
Good luck....
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