A
female
age
41-50,
*adone09
writes:I have been married 4 16 years and I have cheated several times and just can't stop.I'm not sexually attracted to my h and so I find it outside of the marriage.My h is always wanting it and I turn him away n which it causes problems of course.He has suspected me cheating but I denied it of course.I love my h but I'm not n love with him.I think about divorce and it scares me because we have 2 kids plus I'm afraid of it being a big mistake.I got married at 19 and there is 11 years age difference between us,that has alot to do with my feelings.I've been cheating with men my age and I feel great,but I no it's new and that I might feel differently once this 2 gets old.I'm so lost as to why I became this terrible wife who use to to nothing but go to work come home cook ,clean,do laundry and always there 4 my kids and now here 4 the past few months I want a day of me time which h wouldn't get so pissed if I wasn't going out to the bar.I have so much fun that I can't stop the temptation.I keep thinking about this last guy I was with and that hurts because I really don't think nothing is there.I was at 1 time a good wife and now I'm the worst.I don't feel guilty looking at h even with this on my mind.I keep thinking about divorce but it scares me to death 4 I no that is a BIG step and it might b the worse mistake of my life.Right now I feel like being single would b great but I'm also afraid if being alone 4 the rest of my life being I'm 35 with 2 kids.I have guys tell me I'm cute and look like I'm n my 20s but that doesn't mean nothing.I've tried counseling at 1 time and things changed 4 awhile but here I am again but this time it's worse because I've actually strayed.Awhile back about 3 years ago I went through a stage where I was having bad feeings about me a h and that's why I went to counseling.I think it helped alittle but it was only a temporary solution because like I said it's worse now.Please can someone give me some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): its easy to get set in ways, the love is there underneath all the hum drum, its the excitement you crave. Do you think if you and your husband begin to plan things for just the two of you it might improve? at first it may feel like your going against the wind, but if you persevere the closeness will come back, you will laugh together, all the things that you had in the beginning. remember all the things that you initially found attractive about him, they are all still there, they just need coaxing abit now because of the staleness. once you make the tinyiest of effort too get to know him again you will see the changes however small at first. go on give it a try. i wish you luck
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (6 July 2009):
 You're not alone. I'm going thru a very similar time in my life right now as well. It sounds like you're missing fun and excitment in your life and enjoy the attention of men. IDK the particulars of your marriage, but from what you've said, it sounds like it may be worth saving. You asked for advice. My advice is to focus on your husband and your marriage. Try to recapture the "in love" part that you may have once had. You didn't say anything negative about your husband, so hopefully there is something there to save. Don't beat yourself up over what you've done. You can't change it, but you CAN change what you do from this day forward. I know how hard it is to have self-control, especially when it's so much fun, but my advice is to give it a real try.
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A
female
reader, sadone09 +, writes (6 July 2009):
sadone09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the 2 people who responded to my question.I agree that yes I am being selfish and I'm n the wrong but I won't say that I can't change I'm just having a hard time trying to get the spark back with dh.If I was totally selfish I would have left along time ago and have told dh.I don't want to confess because that will hurt dh alot and my kids.I think my dh is actually scared of me leaving or he would have never wanted me to come back n the 1st place.I don't want to make a abrupt decision as far as divorce because mayb there is a chance 4 us I just need to find away to stop the temptation of cheating.I guess I'm asking 4 advice on way to reignite that spark I once had but yes I'm sure if I keep this up I will face some bad consequences but I hope I find away to help myself.I'm going to the Dr. and talk to him about depression hoping that mayb that will help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): dont you think you should leave your husband and let him have the chance of meeting someone who treats him better? or at the very least confess to him and let him decide what he would rather do?
There is no excuse for being a cheat! you made your own choices, and you will bare the consequenses in one way or another.
get some self respect and also some for your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): you havn't been in this marraige and only your selfishness keeps you with your hb. so please do yourself a favour, stop looking for excuses and start behaving like a decent woman for starters. you will not change not because you can't but because you won't. so please stop wasting your hbs time and leave. you will get what you deserve - emptiness, loneliness and unworthiness. you will not change so no matter what anyone here tells you, you will continue. what a lot of adulterers think is that we would wave a magic wand and your lives will miraculously transformed. actions have consequences. and you live by opening your legs and sadly your demise will be the same. your life can only change if you make the hard decisions. but self centred and selfish nature shows that you won't.
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