A
male
age
30-35,
*rock19
writes:i am with a girl since a year now. it was great but now she has started dominating me big time. always suspects me of cheating on her. she HAS to check my phone every time. she WANTS all my passwords(email, facebook, bank accounts etc). she doesn't let me go out with my friends too. she also verbally abuses me and my parents even if i talk to another girl. she is a maniac.i want to break-up with her, but she blackmails me in staying with her. mine is a conservative Indian family and are not ok with the idea of any relation of a boy and girl before marriage. she threatens to tell them. she also says she will lodge a rape complaint against me, and my dad too if i leave her ( and she will).i am in great trouble. what should i do. please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Did you manage to solve your problem? Please update us.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (13 December 2009):
it looks like you are addicted to the craziness. Just record her threatening you then keep it in a safe place as a back up if you ever get locked up
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A
male
reader, brock19 +, writes (13 December 2009):
brock19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am very thankful to all of you wonderful people trying to help me out here.
i considered going to the police, but in India police is just a bad joke. they will always favor the "girl". the thing called "restraint order" doesn't exist in India.
and she is a girl, there is a provision in law which will enable her to put me behind bars immediately. doesn't matter if she is proved wrong in court later, my family will always have a social stigma "family of a rape accused".
and the thing is that i DO loved her, n don't want to harm her. how do i talk her through this and make my position safe???????
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (13 December 2009):
I would use my cellphone to record her making the rape threats and admitting they false. Once you have her on tape, then save it on your PC or somewhere safe. Then break up with her and tell her you are going to the police or to her father with the recordings if she ever contacts you again. If you are afraid to do it yourself then get your brothers and male cousins to go tell her together that they don't want her in your family. If she persists after this then you have her on tape. Since you are Indian and probably tech savvy, it will even be better if you can rent a camera and have it on video. If it goes to court then you will enjoy the look on her face when her whole family watches her saying "If you break up with me I will accuse you of rape"!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Hi i gree. You might also consider reporting her threats to the police. If they have a record of your complain it will be in your favour should she actualy try reporting you to them at a later date. But i agree with auny bimbim. Do talk to your mother in private and ask her advice. I know you say yours is a conservative family but im sure they are wordly wise and wont be as shocked as you imagine. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 December 2009):
 First thing to do is to approach your family, tell them everything including her threats against you and your father. It might be easier if you talk to your mother first. This girl is toxic, and you need more practical help than you will get from an anonymous website.
Find a quiet moment alone with your mother as soon as you can and talk to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Are you able to go to the police? Tell them about the threats she has made about lodging these accusations of rape and ask them if they can put an order in to stop her coming near you or even contacting you.
If you are unable to do this then ask her why she behaves this way, tell her true love is an equal partnership and there should be no controlling of each other. Her knowing passwords to your bank account is very dangerous, she could potentially transfer your money to her.
I am very sorry you have to go through all of this, I hope you can go to the police and have the courage to tell them that you want to protect yourself and your family by keeping her away.
We are all tested in life and only given situations we can deal with, so no matter how tough life gets have faith in yourself that within, you hold the strength to overcome the challenges.
Take Care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Report her.
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