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This feels so wrong to be flirting so openly with him while his girlfriend has no idea!

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *oX15 writes:

Ok, so this is a very complicated situation. I have been in a relationship for the past 9 months. It is a very dysfunctional relationship, so we're taking some time apart right now.

When I first met this guy, we started hanging out with his cousin and his girlfriend. Then we met another couple, S and D. After that, we were like one big happy family. So, S and I grew up in the same town, but we didn't know eachother. I didn't like him at first, he seemed sort of arrogant.

Then within the last couple of months, we started talking. He turns out to be a really nice sweet guy. We started getting really close. Now we text eachother everyday. It's just texting, but I'm taking classes all day and he works. Our texts aren't exactly harmless either. It turns out we've both been physically attracted to eachother from the beginning. I've always noticed he's always paid attention to me, but I didn't like the way he treated my boyfriend. Now that I've gotten to know him, he's such a great guy. He tells me I'm beautiful and amazing everyday. He tells me he thinks about me and misses me. He tells me that my well...on/off boyfriend, is so lucky to have had me in his life. I tell him how great he is, how beautiful his smile is, how cute he is, how overall wonderful he is.

The funny thing is, he is still with his girlfriend. This feels so wrong to be flirting so openly with him while his girlfriend has no idea. I've talked about this with my friends, and they all say the same thing, that i need to quit talking to him because as long as he goes to sleep beside her every night it doesn't mean anything. I know they are right, but a part of me wants to believe that he actually feels something real.

I don't really know what I'm asking here. Does anyone have any opinions on this...what should I do? what do you think? is this guy full of it, or could he be for real? can i trust him? He really is a great guy, and I don't want to lose our relationship. I can talk to him about anything and we don't always talk about our attraction to eachother. Right now he has become one of my good friends.

View related questions: cousin, flirt, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009):

You are a selfish person, if it was you in D's shoes how would you feel? Also clearly this guy is not that nice or great if he is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend.He is clearly attracted to the danger of an affair, its harmless to you but not to D when she realises what is going on she will never fully trust anyone again. Lust is dengerous, never trust a guy who cheats on his gf especially emotionaly.

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A female reader, FoX15 United States +, writes (27 October 2009):

FoX15 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't want to ruin things between us. I mean...wouldn't it get weird if i just came out and asked, OK, would you leave her for me?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009):

Why don't you ask him if he'd leave his girlfriend for you

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