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Thinking twice about our relationship

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2009)
A female Australia, anonymous writes:

Ive been dating this guy for about a month. But some things have happened that are making me think twice about our relationship. I am 20 years old and he is 24.

He keeps asking me if im a virgin, how far ive gone etc. I've told him im not that comfortable talking with him about it at this stage but he still asks. Hes been doing this since I met him. And this is kind of what makes me not what to answer even more, because he asked me when I barely knew him and he still is asking. He said he wants to know if im as innocent as he percieves me to be. I asked him why is it so important to him, I asked him if only wants a virgin/non virgin girl and he said it doesnt matter but hes just 'curious'. It really upsets me htat he keps asking.Is that a bad sign?

I was reading his online blog and I started reading some old blogs he posted before I met him. He filled out one of those survey things where you answer questions about yourself. And it asked if him if he had even been heartbroken, and he said 'yes, but i got revenge on her :D'. That really put me off him. Its like he takes pride in hurting somoene? Sure I understand he was obviously hurt by her, but that doesnt justify him hurting her back. Is that a bad sign?

View related questions: heartbroken, revenge

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009):

If it doesn't matter to him then tell him you would rather tell him such things when you know him better because you haven't known him for long yet. It sounds like he may be wanting to pressurise you for sex. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with or you will resent it later.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009):

i am 20 too and we r so young, u shouldnt let anybody disrespect you in that way, when u wanna share something tht intimate with someone it shud be on your terms and if that boy rlly cares he would respect the fact that a subject lk tht is quite private and shud only be shared when you know eachother much better. MY ex was more sly when it came to talking bout things like that. After being with him for over 8months he told me that him and his friends prefer a girl that hasnt been with anyone else and he was happy to find out that i didnt, so i would be careful who u tell and make sure he is the right person before you tell him coz i made tht mistake. If a person rlly cares about you he wudnt care if had been with someone or not, he wud wanna kno u as a person, so make sure u kno him much better and that his intentions are the same as urs

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A female reader, Lina319 United States +, writes (20 May 2009):

Lina319 agony auntI think the signs are pretty obvious. He is disrespecting you by persistently asking you a question that clearly makes you uncomfortable. If he has any respect for you at all, even as a person, he wouldn't come off so vulgar.

If I was in your shoes I would be pretty annoyed, and i'd assume that he was asking because he was a horn dog. " I want to know if you are as innocent as I perceive you to be," Spare me the corny line. If he was oh so curious about that he could just stfu and simply be with you and see, without you having to go into depth about your past sexual history wether it was raunchy or not.

In regard to his myspace blogs, I wouldn't pay too much attention to the I got revenge statement, maybe he just wrote that to impress his friends, or just to be funny. Or maybe the revenge he got wasn't even what anyone would call revenge.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 May 2009):

Honeypie agony auntIt might be curiosity. I don't see that it is a big secret being a virgin or not. If you are he can't really ask about your sexual history since you wouldn't have one. If you are not then you might as well be honest and say no. However I don't think it is something you HAVE to divulge that soon in a relationship.

When having your heart broken at times ( specially right after I think most of us wants to see the other party hurt. I think it's natural.) However acting out "revenge" is not always a very good thing to do.

I think you need to figure out your OWN limitation and boundaries, if he keep wanting to cross them before you are ready then maybe, just maybe he isn't for you.

To be honest it would annoy me if my sexual history was all he wanted to know. If you have told him once that you aren't ready to talk about it, he needs to back off. If not .. take a hike.

You are obviously a shy girl, he needs to respect your limits.

Good luck,

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