A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!So, in my final year at school about 5 years ago, I'd never dated anyone, dating never really interested me at the time. Then I met the most beautiful girl. She asked me out. She was REALLY shy, almost to the point of awkwardness, but I stuck to it, and eventually neither of us would shuttup, and we were inseparable.Unfortunately, there was itty bitty problem. We were 18, been dating for four months, and we hadn't held hands, hugged or even kissed. Now, at the time, considering I'd never dated before, I thought that was normal. Until I started watching close friends and their partners becoming intimate, couples at the shops kissing in the corner, people cuddling at the movies. Realizing that it must obviously feel amazing to be intimate with someone you care about, I asked my girlfriend if that was ok. Surprisingly, she said no. She just wasn't ready to hold hands, or hug, or kiss, (didn't care about sex at the time, and we were both virgins). When she said no, I thought, "Oh, well, I guess that's ok. She'll be ready one day, and I'll be right here waiting. No problem. But after a year, things started to feel a tad on the lonely side. And she still refused to do anything. But I kept at it, hoping if I remained committed, and hopeful, it would work out perfectly fine. Another year later, 2 years, I was incredibly depressed, lonely, desperatly wanting some form of intimacy from her, but she still didn't want to. There was this little voice inside my head telling me that it wasn't worth it, yet I really felt like I needed to hang on.She didn't once cheat on me. She never once looked at another guy. She'd call me everyday. She was amazing. But after two years, my University grades started to slip, I couldn't focus, and I didn't know what to do. So, I decided to break up. And we did. I was devastated. And for 4 long years afterwords, and even now I still carry major issues from waiting so long, such as constant feelings of loneliness, even when surrounded by people, yet feeling more comfortable on my own then with others. And the incredibly intense feelings for her remained.Throughout this, me and her remained good friends, which I thought was fine. I got a good paying job, life seemed to come into focus. Then last night she came to my house for a drink, which we'd done plenty of times before, when out of the blue... she kissed me... straight on the mouth. My brain felt like it was exploding. We made out for two hours, I guess cramming 5 years worth of intimacy into 120 minutes, when suddenly, I realized what I was doing, how long I had waited, and had a MASSIVE panic attack, huge, and since I also have a heart condition, panic attacks and heart conditions don't mix. I ran into the bathroom, locked the door, sat in the shower, and for 20 minutes, trying to calm down I balled my eyes out. She's told me that she was confused, that she'd like a relationship again, an intimate one, except she's got many things going on in her life at the moment, moving out, 20 boys going after her at once (non whom she's dated before), finding a new job, and she doesn't know what to do.My mind still even hasn't fully processed what happened last night. My hands have been shaking non stop for the last 12 hours.What do I do? Help!What should WE do??????
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both virgins, depressed, kissing, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 well, that depends entirely if you and her are willing to be in a relationship, i guess she would like it, because she is letting you know that she would like one with you, im guessing that she missed you as a boyfriend after you two broke up and wants to give a try to an intimmate relationship to try to keep you happy too.
now as for your side, you must decide if you can give this relationship another go, because you had troubles with it the last time you two were together and you should decide if you want to risk another chance, because a if you guys never do anything even rometely romantic you are just a couple only in name, but not in practice, if you never do anything a couple would do, then is a friendship only, i can understand if she is shy, but to not try anything else is like she just wanted a friendship but call it a relationship.
but you guyn need to talk this over, try to sort your feelings first before deciding something, but really talk and discuss this, a couple makes a couple becase they face their hardships in life together, share their good and bad moments with each other, they can show affection beyond a mere friendship, they must be able to trust and have confidence in each other; and all those things must be made by both parties, and this issue is no different, you both must come to a decition over this, and only you both can decide what is the course of action you want to take and if you are ready for it.
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