A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. I've wanted one since I was 11, but its never happened for me.I've read through the other 'never had a boyfriend' questions and read the advice... I have plenty of male friends (probably more than female), and I am very sociable and am always meeting new people. I do a lot of different things with my life. I find it quite easy to make friends, its just noone is interested in anything more than that.I've tried not looking for a boyfriend and I've tried actively making an effort.. same result.I think it's because I am not pretty. I had a 'thing' a while ago with a boy who is now my best friend, and he said that he had 'tried to make himself like me, but couldn't'... I'm guessing he was trying to be unsuperficial but just couldn't be attracted to me.The way I look is making me very depressed to the point that I wake up every morning and don't want to leave my room so that noone has to see me. I don't want to feel this way because I know that there is little point in worrying about something you cannot change. I also know that lots of attractive people think that they are ugly, but i know this isn't the case with me because I have not only the evidence of the mirror but the reactions of people that I have liked.I don't want to end up alone and I wish I could not let my appearance bother me, but I don't know how and its having a bigger and bigger effect on my life and I'm finding it hard to enjoy anything anymore.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, togtog +, writes (23 April 2009):
When you like a bloke, is it because they look good? Is that how you choose who to like and not like?
And the sort of bloke who you would like as a boyfriend... are you looking for someone who judges girls by what they look like?
Also - look around you. People come in all shapes and sizes, and you will notice plenty of people who aren't the most beautiful flowers in the garden involved in happy relationships.
I think the saddest thing about your post is the way that you are judging yourself and being so critical. If you are so harsh on yourself, then it is bound to leave you feeling unloveable, unconfident and unhappy. Why not try being a little bit kinder to yourself?
Confidence and a happy person are actually two of the most attractive features that anyone can have - just think about it and you will realise that it is true - after all, isn't that the type of person that you find attractive yourself?
A
male
reader, Griim  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 By far the most appealing and attractive trait a female can have in my eyes is confidence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Sorry about your troubles.
Honestly, its pretty easy to get a dude. A bunch of my friends are single and looking. And a bunch of their friends the same. But all these guys are no Brad Pitt, they are just regular guys, some of them even a little "nerdy" or considering themselves unattractive. I'm guessing your standards/expectations are too high. I've seen this before.
I've seen a couple of these questions now and really had a chance to think about it.
If you want a dude that has a six pack, and can run marathons, and scrap for your honor and all sorts of other foolish manly things that we do lol, well then it helps if your lifestyle sort of matches theirs. You too would need to run every once and a while...be toned, have a little fire and ect. For that type of guy.
I'll tell you the secret to me, I'm attracted by far to girls that can relate to what I do. I do martial arts, music, boxing, and am a fitness rat, so when girls don't have any understanding or show any interest in what I do, its a turn off for me. And then I just politely extract myself from the situation.
So that's my advice... You need to immerse yourself in what they like to do, not just look from the outside in. I find it doubtful that you are ugly, I just think you aren't on the same wavelength as the guys you go for. But you CAN get there through some hard work.. Or.. you could also change your expectation.
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A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (23 April 2009):
Youu dont have to be preety to have a boyfreind!!
there are men out there who like personality best.
and you arnt helping the situation very much in thinking your ugly.
your waking up every morning with negative thoughts,wich proberly means that you have negative thoughts through out the day and walk around with your head down like a saddo.
men/boys hate boring saddos.
you need a nice confident attitude walk with your head up high! smile and laugh..let yourself be known!
(dont be to loud though haha).
and your still only 19..you got ages to find a man.
come on..think positive..
chin up..look on the bright side,you cant have it all!
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): hi,i think u have very good answer below, but there are many thinks u can do which can make u attractive towards boys.beings a boy myslef i know even agal who is not good looking or even ugly can attract bys and have boyfriend.
you have to change a bit be more stylish, have an attitude, do little bit make up.wear fasionable cloths,etc
Show that u desire attention,dont come so easy to boys make them do someefforts to reach u ,to get u..It wont be tough i think.
Beuty is only skin deep ,
what count is ur attitude.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (23 April 2009):
 hey you have you look inside yourself for beauty to. ive tried saying im beautiful to myself and it uped my self image. try it sounda dumb, but it works. if you dont like your hair dye if. little changes have a big effect on what you think of your self. are you still in highschool? people in high school are highly superficial.after high school, it will be differant. you have to believe that you are beautiful before anyone else can, you have to carry confidence, if you dont have any its noticeable. hold your shoulders back, walk tall and have a "strong" walk. all these things could help, i hope they do. feel free to msg me if you want further tips or future advice. goodluck dear.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2009):
You don't say what it is about you that makes you so "ugly."
You also say you have never actively tried looking for a boyfriend.
I think your best bet is to tell a friend that you'd really like a boyfriend and get your female friends to take you shopping and talk about what are your best bits.
Do something with your hair and make up, make the best of yourself and above all, stop accepting that you must be bad looking.
You don't know that your friend didn't want to be with you because of your looks, you just assumed it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Lauren_agony_aunt +, writes (23 April 2009):
the way i see it is you are who u r, everyone has some1 out there for them. your only young you dont need a boyfriend. just because you havent had one before does not mean you wont get one as im sure infact positive you will get one. as for you thinking your ugly i dont no as i cant see you but every1 has there own good bits and bad bits so dont get yourself down, ne1 can look pretty if they try without surgery like all models/famous ppl etc! if your ot happy with yourself then try out makeup and doing different things with your hair etc hope this helps
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