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The way he treats me makes me so confused. Can we develop our relationship?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 December 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 January 2017)
A female Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all,

I have met a guy on Tinder. He is an expat and will work in my home country for a few months. Yes, I had sex with him on a second time we met but we have not labelled our relationship or even set any rules and agreements between us two. The problem is that I think I have developing my feeling for him. We texts every day, he lets me stay over at his place, we cuddle and kiss a lot before and after sex, we hang out at the cafe or even spent a holiday together, he cares for my well-being and feeling, we hold hands in the public, he always looks at me and smiles, and he even kisses my forehead in the public. I once helped him choose the colour of his shirt. In my opinion, this is kind of boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, and it makes me feel so special.

Right now he is back to his home country and have a holiday with his friends. He told me several times that we would see each other next year and I had to enjoy my new year with my family. He doesn't know how much internet he would have while he is on vacation. I think because of the time difference so we don't talk much. I haven't had a good experience in terms of relationship so it makes me think whether he starts losing his interest in me or not.

Anyway, my question is do you guys think I am delusional thinking that he also has a feeling for me? I am so new to this kind of relationship and it seems so clear that I can't handle it well. I really don't know what to do.

Thank you so much for your useful advice.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI am interested to hear what happened next? Have you heard from him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi all,

I am not a virgin but I have very little experience. I think next time I won't do the same mistakes again. Now I try not to think about him or overanalyse things.

Thank you so much for your advice.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (28 December 2016):

BrownWolf agony aunt

"we have not labelled our relationship or even set any rules"

Game over.

Next time...BEFORE you sleep with a guy, make sure all the rules and agreements are set. Sex is to honour those rules and agreements. It is not to be given in order to get the rules and agreements.

I am a man...and I am telling this.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2016):

How can you be so new to this kind of thing when you slept together on the second date?

You certainly were no virgin and Tinder is just largely a pick up site.

The guys expect sex and they assume the gals are women of the world who want a quick bit of sexual action.

For this reason it seems bizzare that you are now claiming feelings and noticing nuances like he stroked your hair in public.

Youve already exposed all so perhaps this is not the time for you to go all romantic and expectant.

You both know that whenever you are done with each other you will be back on tinder fixing up another hookup.

So I think it is safest for you to assume you are a friendswith benefits thing because your courtship is entirely postcoital which is never quite the same thing unless you are making a film called prettywoman when the violins get going at the end.

Maybe you can see it for what it is rather than requiring a happy ending built on your loyalty and stunning personality !

But dont feel bad!

It works for you right now and it works for him!

Just start making long term plans which you personally can accomplish and if the romance falls flat you will still have something to aspire to.

And avoid tinder as a lifestyle choice if possible!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (28 December 2016):

N91 agony auntPart on my answer I deleted by accident.

If you want it to progress then you need to ask him. I will point out that it's a very, very poor idea to sleep with someone as quicky as you did. Personally, if I slept with someone the second time I saw them I wouldn't even consider a relationship with them.

As for the feelings, you need to ask him, we can't answer that. It's possible for someone to be touchy feely but it not have deep meaning behind it.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (28 December 2016):

N91 agony auntHow could we know?

Ask him.

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