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The sex is frustrating for me, any advice?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2017)
A female Austria age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello aunties. I've been seeing thisguy for a while and sex is very frustrating for me. Almost nothing he does turns me on and I feel embarrassed because he does take his time with foreplay: kissing, sucking on my nipples ( which are almost numb :/), oral, masturbation... and yet I'm almost dry at the end. I eat well, am not stressed or taking any medication, my sex drive has never been very high but I did fancy this guy a lot before and now we're finally seeing each other my vagina seems to be dead! I never came with him and this is clearly becoming an issue between us. To be honest I don't much like using my fingers when I masturbate ( mostly I like friction and the cross legged method) so I don't know if its just me not being used to that can bethe problem . Any help will be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

View related questions: foreplay, kissing, nipples, sex drive, vagina

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

hate to be the bearer of bad news but is it possible that he isn't that skilled in bed?

You are attracted to him but his kissing, etc. doesn't turn you on...sounds like he has some learning to do.

I would try to gently guide him with the kinds of kissing styles you like, and how you want him to go down on you. Never tell him you think he's bad, just say you want to try it like get the idea.

Well some guys never really catch on or improve, but others do, so give it a try.

If that isn't the issue then not sure...try to fantasize more in your head while he's doing things.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2017):

If you're on BC the msot common side effect is dryness! Just use lube during sex.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 January 2017):

Just because you fancy the guy, doesn't mean you're physically-attracted to him, or ready for sex. I think the guy is in your head, but not in your heart. Of course you should followup on the link provided by Ivyblue to checkout any physiological reasons; but seeing your doctor or gynecologist may be better. You're a bit young to be dealing with vaginal dryness.

You may also feel guilty for having sex; or in the back of your mind you fear if he doesn't get sex he won't stick around.

I just don't think you are as into the guy as you say, or may be telling yourself. The body won't lie, it can't respond to someone it doesn't want. The head and the body have to be in sync; and you just can't fool yourself into performing and responding to someone who doesn't really turn you on. For whatever reason. I'm just sayin'!!!

Are you sure you aren't just settling for the guy; because you don't want to be alone, tired of randomly dating, and you just want a boyfriend?

Something in the back of your mind is just saying: "he's okay buuuut, nah!!!" You're hoping he'll grow on you. He's probably cute; but he doesn't really push the right buttons.

Could it just be you're leading him on; because you're sick and tired of being alone, and just trying to give him a chance?

I met this guy smokin' hot a few months after I got dumped by somebody else. He was cute, young, and raring to go. He tried his best to get me going; but I was totally numb to everything. I was in my head, and just not there.

You're a girl, I'm a guy, but emotions are universal. Anything recently happen that you haven't dealt with and buried deep; or have you been thinking about somebody else, and hoping maybe this guy might help you forget them?

Has an ex been on your mind, or are you trying to find someone to take his place? Did an ex just recently find a new girlfriend? You can be deep in denial, and claim there is no stress or any other reason.


You may not even be aware of it. Just dig deeper and let us know. You just may not really be into this guy and you're just trying to find a boyfriend; because everyone else has one, and you're used to having a guy around.

Your vagina is very much alive, he just can't turn you on. The sex is obligatory, because you feel you've got give him something to make it worth his while; but you're just not in that state of mind yet.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (9 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntVaginal dryness is common. When you say you are not on any medication does that include contraceptive pills? They can sometimes cause dryness because they are interfering with hormones etc. Perhaps you have low estrogen levels. Have a look at this link and see what you think?

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