A
female
age
51-59,
*ndyb
writes:I am a 35yr old female going out with a 36yr old male, we plan to move in together in the next 6months. My problem is we have only had sex 6 times in the last 12 months. Not my choice, his. I have tried to talk to him about this many times and he just sits there and says there's nothing wrong and that's all he says. I have given up trying to broach the subject. And the very odd time we do have sex its him that instigates it not me, i tried a few times but got no response and for fear of further rejection i stopped trying.Now this man is a perfect gent rings/texts me first thing in the morning and last thing at night. We talk on the phone 5-10 times a day and he always asks me how my day is going, hes affectionate, considerate and very loving in every other way.The only problem in this relationship is the bedroom department.He runs his own business and is building his own house and money is tight and i wonder if this is the route of the problem.Anyway, i just found out that he has rang a sex line and was only on it for one minute - i'm hoping he got a fright when he heard the charges !!So im a bit emotional and upset.My question is, Is the writing on the wall or do i stand by this man and be understanding and supportive ??Any Words of Wisdom would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, andyb +, writes (27 June 2008):
andyb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i brought the subject (by phone, i know not great but when i said we need to talk he wanted to know there and then).
he says that the possible reasons for his lack of interest in sex is because it went by a couple of months it was hard to get things going again and as more time went by the harder its got.
Also he said it could be a fear of me getting pregnant.
I got pregnant about at year + half into our relationship and he asked if i did it on purpose and once i heard that i decided to have a termination.
I said to him today that if he had a fear of pregnancy that there were options either he use protection or go for a vesectomy.
At least i got some answers..............
But feel nothing is sorted !
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi,
it may be stress, but if he cant communicate with you then you shouldnt be moving in with him. The situation will only get worse I imagine.
Moving in with him would be a big step and its something you should only do if you think you can share everything with each other. He is closing himself off to you, this doesnt really bode well for the future.
Try and get him to talk about his lack of intimacy , if he won't then you are going to have to weigh up your options. Do you honestly want to start sharing a life with a person who won't be intimate with you?
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Stress kills libido, I think your problem might be very simple.
Lighten his load, get him to excorsise and life healthy and the problem might go away.
But there is also the part that he got to regonize for himself that something is amiss. You can't change his life for him.
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A
female
reader, purple lady  +, writes (26 June 2008):
I had a similar problem with my husband - we had sex less and less frequently, but he is very affectionate, kind considerate and all of the other positve qualities that a man can have.As our sex life diminished I started to complain a little - but after a while I realised it was down to him not being able to maintain an erection. So we would always have sex first thing in a morning - but never at night.I would suggest that you do try to broach the subject diplomatically and ask him if he enjoys having sex with you and if so is there any reason why it doesn't happen more freuqently if you both enjoy it so much.I wouldn't worry at all about him ringing the sex line - it could simply be curiosity - obviously keep an eye out in case it happens again.Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, andyb +, writes (26 June 2008):
andyb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, im gonna try and rais the subject again this weekend. Im hoping him ringing a sex line was just curiosity, if it happened again i'd be devestated. thanks again, your response is much appreciated. andy.b.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (26 June 2008):
In order for a relationship to work there must be communication and at this current time your bf is not really communicating to you at all! So this makes it very hard for the relationship to be healthy and to function.
I think you should sit down with him one day when there is no other distractions and ask him how he is feeling. Ask him if everything is ok. Ask him how he feels about the relationship at the moment. Ask if there is anything he thinks needs improving on.
If he still pretends everything is ok, then its time for you to say your feelings. Tell him what is exactly upseting you. Dont take no for an answer. Dont allow him to use the lame excuse 'everything is ok' when it is clearly not.
Try to be as understanding as you can and reassure him that whatever the problem is you can work on it together.
In the end, if he isnt willing to communicate you have to question whether or not you can stay in a relationship like this. If he isnt mature enough, hasnt learn how to commuicate and/or isnt willing to be open in a relaionship then it is doomed to fail.
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