A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When the Aunts and Uncles provide an answer to peoples problems its sometimes hard to remember that the writers are often heartbroken.When you read the same situation arising repeatedly its easy to think 'here we go again'. Its easy to think the questioner must be crazy not to see what Aunts and Uncles can,that he/she/the situation - just is not worth stressing about or easily resolved. The questioners only know their own situation,they are emotionally involved and so can't see the problem or solution.They know something is not right which is what brings them here.Thats the first step.They can take the advice offered or use it later,when they have reached the point when they are ready to DO something.All the Aunts and Uncles can do is offer advice from life experience or purely common sense.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 This is a very timely reminder. Often I think people are so "inside" their problem that they need some gentle and kind coaxing to come out of the shadows of what they are facing.
Being unkind and cruel is not advice.
Being sarcastic and scathing to a vulnerable person does not help a sensitive person see the truth. It just hurts them more. Often their self esteem is in tatters. Help them to see more value in themselves and their self esteem might just start on the road to recovery.
Domestic abuse situations can mean that a victim becomes an apologist for the abuser. Not realizing how affected they are by the abuser. Finding excuses for an abuser just tells me that the abuse has gone for way too long.
Allowing an abuser to get away with calling a disgusting act as a "joke" tells me that the abuser has no respect for the person they are abusing. Men or women can be victims of domestic abuse.
If a person is feeling tired and jaded then they should not take it out on the Original Poster (OP) who asked the question. That's not advice. That is just paying out something who is a stranger who came to this site expecting to be treated with some empathy.
Hindsight is an easy thing to throw at the OP. But it can be hurtful.
And advice is not relating all about one's own situation and giving no actual advice to the OP. That is not advice. It is just "me too, and another thing he did, and then he did, and then I did". Pretty soon people are commenting on an answer rather than giving advice.
Starting a war with someone else who gave advice is not advice. If you want to tell the person who answered the question what you really think of their answer then Message them via the site, if they posted under a name.
Advice is giving some advice and trying some suggestions to help the OP
Trying to highjack the OP's original question is never advice. Best the the person instead post their own question as everyone's situation is unique.
Sure many of the long term Aunts and Uncles have seen it all. Their wisdom can be the result of experiencing everything the newer users to this site are just discovering.
I once asked my beloved late (first) mother in law. "how did you become so wise or have you always been so wise?"
Her answer was, "I'm not wiser than you. It's just that I have seem more than you because I have been in this world so much longer than you. Everything you have gone through I have been through earlier. That's how you learn to read people. People are very predictable if you know what to look for. I just have a good memory. I've seen it all before and how it works out"
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Yes that is true.
But some people really need a swift kick to get them walking in the right direction
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Thank you for this reminder! I know I sometimes roll my eyes when I see someone post a question that I have seen 100s of times.... and the answer seems so obvious to everyone except the person asking the question!
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